Place of Worship

I haven't said anything about this here or anywhere else.  I have felt very torn over the situation and unsure of God's direction.  Let me explain.


For 10 wonderful years, we served at a local church.  We loved it there.  Our kids were both baptized there and grew in the Lord.  They are both still part of the youth ministry.  Our marriage was saved there and we raised our hands in worship first there :-)  About 2 years before we left, we began to feel it was time to move.  We wanted to expose our kids to other languages, colors, economic status's.  Back then, I felt God was calling us to make the move.  I have questioned that several times over the years - although this is the first I have admitted it publicly.  In all honesty, although the above things were absolutely true, I also was harboring some tough feelings in my heart that took a long time to work through.  That's not to say the church was to blame either.  Reality is, I was hurt, and I didn't tell anyone about it.  Then I allowed that to grow into bitterness until it affected me greatly.  That was my responsibility and I have learned now that it is better to face tough situations head on rather than let them fester in your heart. 

Regardless, in the end, we left on good terms, with the blessing of the Pastor and moved on to another church where we have spent the past 3 years.  Again, another great church.  This church was undergoing change when we first arrived.  The Pastor and his wife have been wonderful.  I was able to serve with the women's ministry team and help create a church website.  The Pastor raps - which I just find amazing (lol) and I have enjoyed our time there.  Becoming involved, however, has been a challenge due to the distance from our home and the age of our kids.  We have missed more than we have been there.  I have made some good friends - Becca & Pastor C, Chuck & Kathy - Donnie & Beni but we have felt disconnected and divided as a family for the past 3 years.

This fall, soccer season was insane.  When I say we were never at church - I literally mean, we were never at church.  We couldn't do both - soccer and church that far away.  Yes, I feel, in the end, we made a poor choice - not over going to the new church - but allowing soccer to become such a priority that it overtook serving in our church - no matter where it is located.  I regret it.  In the middle of it, I didn't know how to change it without stopping it all - which just wasn't an option.

Anyway - no need for explanation.  It was wrong, plain and simple.  For the past 3 years, both kids have begged us to return to our old church.  They are still plugged in there, one of them heavily involved in youth ministry for her last year before moving on to college.  Our youngest is at an age where he desperately needs to see Mom and Dad involved and on fire for the Lord.  I see him emulating our lack of priority in church, worship, prayer, devotion.  It's not what I want for my child.

Because I have always been a firm believer that you can not expect from your children what you are not willing to give - we have made a tough decision.  It has been about a month of tossing this one around, and my resisting the change.  Marty was ready to make it long before I have been.  I still feel like I'm dragging my heels a bit - not wanting to hurt feelings.  I don't feel an absolute answer from God on this and that makes me hesitate - but then again - I don't feel I am currently in a spot spiritually to make a firm decision based on hearing from God simply because - I don't feel I am hearing from God.

We've been back to our old church a couple of times.  I have been pleasantly surprised at how almost everyone has thrown open their arms, happy to see us again.  In fact, I have left church with that warm fuzzy "ah, home" feeling on more than one occasion.  I have found friends where I didn't realize I had them before.

It's important to me that this isn't a big hoopla.  I just want to blend in, be part of the crowd.  The church has changed in major ways since we were there before and although it feels like home in many ways - there are many things that are different.  I want to come in as if I've never been there before, and see things in a new and bright way.

I'd like to take this moment to thank Pastor C & Becca and those at The Rock who have loved on us for the past 3 years.  We love you guys.  You met us during a time we struggled - and you loved us anyway.  I will miss many things about The Rock - worship, espanol, looking across the body and seeing God's creation in all kinds of colors and places in life.  The Rock was real - and I loved that about it.  Only at The Rock could you see drug paraphernalia smashed at the alter with a hammer because someone has become a new creation in Christ.  Only at The Rock can you sit with full conversations going on behind you while the Pastor is trying to preach :-)  (That may bug some people - but it just showed me how real it was - people who had no idea what proper etiquette for church was!).  I absolutely loved the lack of pretense.  I will miss it.  And now I have to stop talking about it before I change my mind one more time!