Eye Opener

Today I saw an application on facebook to have like a year in review according to your status updates from the year.  I thought "well that looks like fun!" and clicked on it.

Wowzers.  I began to read the status's (status'??) they chose of mine - and at least 80% of them were negative.  I went to the part where you can read every status from the past year.

I read.  And I read.  And I read some more.  My jaw was on the floor when I finished.

When did I become so negative?  I know I've been struggling - but - wow.  It was a true eye opener for me.  My heart is not in the right place.  I defiantly was a glass half empty instead of half full person this past year - and I suspect it's gone on longer than that.

I'm going to need to think this one through for a while.  Here are some immediate self-reflection thoughts.

First - Soccer is a killer.  It kills our schedule, and it kills my happiness.  Dealing with the constant conflict and the insane schedule has left me ragged.  Either we eliminate soccer from our lives - or I learn to turn things over to the Lord and allow HIM to handle the people I can not change.  Which is like everyone of course.  I also need to let go of the bitterness.  These people are not worth the space in my head, or the space in my heart.  It's time for some closet cleaning of hurt, anger and bitterness.  It's going to take some carpet time (time before the Lord) to work through this.  Yet - I must.  I can not live with all of that junk inside of me any longer.

Second - I complain.  A lot.  About everything.  I didn't realize I had become this way.  I am in shock.  Do I really believe the message of this blog?  He makes EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL in His time?  If so - then what in the world am I doing??  Where is the joy people, where is the joy??  My negativity is not reflecting beauty - that's for sure!!

Third - On a positive note :)  Although raising teens in nail biting, hair raising and rough - I have great kids.  I also have a great marriage.  I think my husband is stinking good looking and amazing.  That was reflected - shouted - loud and clear.  For this, I am thankful.

Fourth - Cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, money - it's not that big of a deal now, is it?  Really?? Come on now Tami - EVERYONE has money troubles and no one likes to do laundry!  Get over yourself.  Be thankful for what you DO have and stop focusing on what you don't.  I could slap myself upside the head over this. 

Anyway.  I'm sure there is more I can glean from the year in review.  I think what I need most is time before my Jesus.  I have some closet clearing to do - and the only way that will happen is through the strength and power of Jesus Christ.  I have allowed people and circumstances in recent years to muddy up my view.  Time to pick myself up and dust the dirt off.  Time to clean the glasses and take a fresh look at the life surrounding me.  It's time to find the beauty in life again.

PS - The photo is the copy from facebook.  Let me mention that this particular set of status are ones I hand picked.  I have to admit - the original just embarrassed me.  So, I went through and chose the positive in the year.  I thought it would be better that way and more reflective of the times I did allow God to work in my life - and yes, just not as humiliating.