Long time, no blog

Too much time has passed - I have been a lousy blogger as of late!  No real reason other than nothing much of substance to say.

Currently, we are hanging out with my in-laws in Texas.  I am so glad we came.  I needed to get away for a while and nothing like someplace warm to allow the stress to fall away.  Also nothing like not having to cook, to clean, to do anything!  Something about THAT sure is peaceful!!  It's nice to get away and forget about your troubles every now and then.

While here, a few things have become super duper clear.  First - I need the sunshine.  I have always jokingly said I would move south one day - but being down here has pretty much solidified that in my head.  Unless God chooses a path different than the one I'm currently on, I'll be someplace warm when I'm my in-laws age!  To be outside, to enjoy the sunsets, to see the sunshine, no clouds - it helps me to reflect on life a little easier.  They say things seems better in the light than in the dark - and this is similar to that.

Second - and how many times have I said this before - I'm tired of complaining about how I look.  I'm tired of looking in the mirror - or avoiding mirrors - because what I see is not who I feel I am on the inside.  I can't say I've had some pivotal moment or reached the bottom of the barrel - but I have come to the realization that I will have to work hard if I want it to happen.  I'm not the woman I used to be - and I believe my weight brings me down emotionally more than I realized.  I do feel powerless over it and I don't see a day where things will be any different.  Yet, at the same time, I don't want to be this physical person I am today.  Things need to change - one day at a time.

Third - because of said above thing - and because of how far down emotionally I realize I have come - I have deprived my children of a happy-go-lucky care-free Mom.  I was not this way when they were younger.  I feel a tremendous sense of guilt over this.  At the same time, I am a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" (seems appropriate in Texas!) kind of person and I can't change the past.  I can change the future and it's time I take a chill pill and remember how to be more fun again.  Start over in this arena.  I don't think this will be any easier than the above mentioned thing - but it's something that requires work. Maybe even - gulp - the assistance of a counselor.  And you know what?  That's okay.  No, I do not feel it has anything to do with my past or my growing up years (people love to bring that up if I have a down time) - but I DO strongly believe it has to do with difficult experiences - difficult people - in the past 10 years or so.  Slowly but surely, circumstances have sucked the life out of me and for goodness sakes - enough is enough.

Finally.  The people in life that really truly matter - are your family and friends.  No matter who you are or what you've become - these are the people who stand by your side.  Through thick and thin, good and bad - you must surround yourself with people who will love you no matter what.  Then you must not shove them away (like I am in the habit of doing) but allow them to put their arm around you and walk with you through.  Sometimes you need other people to help.  It's okay.

That, my friends, is a rather serious reflection on Texas.  On a non-serious side - we've had a terrific time!  The weather has been gorgeous, the sun shining bright (until today but that's okay!) and lots of laughter and fun!  We've gone shopping, eaten great food, enjoyed a Safari (which y'all (lol) know was the highlight of my trip thus far).  We've still got the beach and NASA on the agenda - and you know how much that whole beach thing has me excited!!  We've seen some beautiful animals, beautiful scenery - and beautiful people.  The south is NOT the north and the culture is crazy different.  Do you know they do not serve bread with butter???  They don't even HAVE butter to offer you?  WHO eats bread without butter??  Lol - kidding - but it's true!!  And they call ponds "tanks".  Who knew??

All righty - this has been a looooooong post (making up for lost time!).  Thanks for sticking with me my few faithful blog friends!  Have a very Merry Christmas and we'll see you next year ;-)