Be Gretchen

"Be Gretchen (the author)" is in the Happiness Project book I've been telling you about.  I read that statement a week ago, but it's just now settling into my spirit.

"Be Gretchen" is the authors way of saying she needed to be herself.  She wanted to figure out who she was and remain true to that person.

It's slowly but surely giving me some freedom in my life.  I can't say I'm always good at "being Tami".  I find myself wishing I was someone else - or rather had traits others have.  I wish I was more like my husband - spontaneous and goofy.  I wish I was more like my daughter - uncaring of what people think of her.  I wish I was more like my son - athletic and small in stature.  I wish I had hair like Stacey's (yes Stacey, I envy your hair - lol!!). I wish I was more like so and so - unafraid of using the talents God has given them publicly.  I wish I was more like so and so - more gifted musically than myself.  I wish I was more like so and so who enjoys exercise and being healthy and fit.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  I wish I wasn't so quick tempered, I wish I was skinny, I wish I had money to blow, I wish I could run marathons, I wish I was great at home decorating, I wish I had finished college, I wish I had more motivation in life.  I spend a lot of time thinking "WHEN I finally lose the weight, or WHEN I can afford to get my hair permed or WHEN I...whatever - fill it in" THEN I will be happy!

Wrong.

This weekend - the phrase - Be Gretchen - hit home.

I am not a lot of things - but I am equally - a lot of other things.

I enjoy reading.  I love playing around on the computer.  I love bike riding, long walks in nature.  I love flowers and willow trees and elephants. I love the beach, I enjoy travel, other cultures.  I love new foods.  I had thyroid cancer and my metabolism - although I have massive room for improvement - but I will never be 120 pounds again - and that's okay.  I am a nice person, I enjoy encouraging people.  I love photography.  I am a spitfire at times.  I am fiercely loyal to those I love.  I am never going to be someone who likes roller coasters, who feels comfortable in front of large groups of people.  I am never going to run a marathon or compete in the Tour De France.  Although I LOVE my friends - I will always prefer a weekend with my hubby and kids - it's just me.  I will always be a little private and shy in person.  I have always been, and will always be, a person who works hard at staying out of the limelight - a wallflower - and that's okay.  I will never have a home fit to be in a magazine - my house will always be lovingly lived in.  I like rap music, I play the clarinet, candles make me happy.

I am me.  I don't need to be anything but what God made me.  It's okay to be who you are.  Accept it, embrace it - and then run with God in it.  I am going to work really hard at accepting myself for who I am.  There is always room for growth - God never intended us to be stale and dormant - but I am going to start loving where I am at in life in this moment and stop wishing I was more like someone else.  No more.

Be Tami.