Flowers for Algernon

Today Little Man asked if he could read us a story he's been reading in his English class.  It's called Flowers for Algernon.  He has never asked to read us a story, so we knew this one touched his heart in some way.

We haven't read the entire story yet, but what he shared so far was this.  Flowers for Algernon is about a 37 year old man who struggles - maybe down syndrome or something like that (I think Jon picked the story up in the middle).  He doesn't feel he is smart and he is trying to get smarter.  He has a low IQ.  He has some sort of surgery that is supposed to make him smarter.  That's as far as we got.

Listening to my son read the story, in combination with something else I will share in a bit, brought tears streaming down my face.  When Jon was 6, he was diagnosed with dyslexia.  Later he was diagnosed with dyscalculia and general learning disabilities.  School is a major chore.  He hates it.  It's very difficult for him. Being in the classroom as a substitute has gained me a much greater appreciation for how school works and for how kids like Jon, often get left out or seen as a behavior problem instead of a child with learning disabilities.  In fact, the first day I had a student like Jon, my heart broke and I couldn't get out of the building fast enough.  I was incredibly sad and shocked by what the school experience must have been for my son over the years.

The story of Algernon has greatly touched my son.  I think the reasoning is two-fold.  First - Jon has a compassionate heart.  My kids are incredibly soft-hearted.  They hate to see people hurting.  They are compassionate, loving, gentle, kind.  If they see a child with down syndrome, or in a wheelchair - they both instantly burst into tears.  Not everyone sees this in Jon as he is boisterous, loud, mouthy at times, hyper and never sits still.  Not everyone sees the incredibly compassionate heart God has gifted him with.  Secondly - Jon and the man portrayed in the story - are alike.  I wondered while he struggled to read me the story if Jon identified greatly with it.  I wondered if he ever wished he could be smart.  I sat in the front seat of the car and silent tears made their way down my cheeks.

Being in the classroom, on the playground, in the teachers lounges, has made me realize school was not designed for kids like Jon.  I listen to staff in all buildings talk about the kids they can't stand - and those kids - sound a lot like my son.  I watch kids like Jon get in trouble for having trouble sitting still, punished for not paying attention when in reality, they were paying attention - they are just lost.  I see little understanding for children who do not learn by sitting, taking notes and spitting back information.

Please don't get me wrong.  My husband is a teacher, and a very good one.  There are many, many teachers who work hard, get paid little, and get even less appreciation for it.  In fact - that's the flip side - being in the classroom has also given me a greater appreciation for how difficult it is for teachers to pay special attention to kids like Jon who really need that one on one time.  There are so many demands in the classroom - so many kids who need your attention.  It is truly impossible to be everything to everyone all the time.  You do the best you can - but kids like Jon - are often left in the dust.  It's not necessarily anyones fault.

My heart has broken in a new way as I see my "little" guy as things must have been in his elementary years.  I see how hard it must have been - must be - to not get it - when everyone else does.  I see how ignorant he must feel, how out of place, how different - how insignificant. As I watch my son through the eyes of other children, I gain a greater understanding, a greater compassion, of his daily life.

I enjoy being in the classroom.  I think because of my own son, it's easy for me to pick out those kids who have emotional issues, who are struggling, who feel dumb.  I try to give those children a little extra special attention.  Recently I was asked if "so and so" was giving me a hard time - and I said - no - they've been as good as gold.  "I'm surprised" was the response.  This same child didn't have a parent or VIP come in for VIP day.  I watched as he sat watching other parents, families, siblings enjoy their time together - while he sat - alone, ignored, with no one to make him feel special.  He was hurting and the pain was clear on his face.  It was shared with me later that this child come from a tough home life.  It's no wonder this child gives people a hard time - maybe sometimes that's the only attention he gets. 

I am looking forward to reading the remainder of Flowers for Algernon.  I think, actually, that I'm going to save it and have little man continue to read it to me in our spare time.  Maybe it will be a way for him to express things I don't know that sometimes he even realizes he feels.  I also think I might make a copy of it and should I ever get the opportunity, read it to a class I'm subbing for.  Maybe then I can share the story of my little man and maybe some child out there will realize he's not alone.