On Forgiveness

Saw this status update on a friend's facebook (Thanks D), who stole it from another friend (Thanks different D) and I thought it was worthy of a post.  It goes like this:

"Forgiveness is not a feeling; it's not forgetting; it's not pretending you weren't hurt; it's not trusting the person again; it's not even reconciliation. Forgiveness is a DECISION you make to obey God." ~ Elaine Olson, Christian Counselor

That, my friends, is precisely what I've told people for years.  Let me explain.

I've had to do just a teensy tiny bit of forgiving in my 40 years.  Honestly - probably more than most.  "Funny" side note here - I actually found it EASIER to forgive my father than I have to forgive others - which makes absolutely no sense at all - but it is true.  Maybe because I no longer have contact with my father, verses seeing "others" regularly.  I digress.

Anywho - I totally agree with Elaine.  It isn't a feeling.  Well - wait - there ARE feelings attached - and generally speaking - a wide range of feelings - and most - not good.  But the point is, you don't have to "feel" forgiveness - you just have to do it.  

Secondly - I've heard it said by more people than I care to count that if you would just "forget" the past and move forward and "forgive"  (aka - pretend you are not/were not hurt) - then all is well.  That, my friends, is a lie.  You can't forget.  If you get that twinge in your stomach feeling when you think about whatever forgiveness means to you - well then - you can not just pretend and move on.  It's just not how it works.  Forgetting is not possible.  Forgiving - entirely - forgetting - never.  I WISH I could forget things - because then forgiving would be a whole lot easier.

Let's move along because I'm not sure that last paragraph made any sense at all.  Trusting people again.  Sometimes, yes - sometimes  - no.  Actually - I would consider it UNWISE to just trust people again.  I have a song from the 80's running through my head "once bitten, twice shy" which I am quite sure is NOT good - but I can't get that phrase out of my head in regards to this.  In relationship to my past - I can't trust my father again.  He has never apologized, he doesn't even see that he did anything wrong - to just drop my kids off at his place would be - for lack of better terms - just plain stupid.  If the other person is genuine and changes - well maybe trust is something we can work on in the long term - but that all depends on the circumstances.  The point is, just because you don't trust someone does not mean you can't forgive them.

Which leads to reconciliation.  Again.  In my situation - not happening.  In some situations, this can happen - but the point is - sometimes it's just not possible - and that does not mean you haven't forgiven.

Obedience.  That's what forgiveness is about.  I look at it like this.  I have a choice to make.  I can live in bitterness, anger, hurt - and let that be a chain around my neck holding me back from all God has for me.  Or, I can choose to obey God, forgive - and live in the freedom He has for me.  Personally, I find freedom a whole lot better than chains.  What about you?

So anywho, M(r)s. Olson counselor person - I couldn't agree with you more.  Well said!