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So it's been a long time since I've posted. It's summer, my kiddos are home and it seems at times I have little time for thought let alone quality blogging! I seem to have hit one of my dry spells and this one is going longer than most. Sorry my 30 faithful readers who continue to read even when I post NADA. You guys are awesome :)
Here are some random thoughts/struggles/things I'm processing as of late.
It feels/seems as if my friendships are "under review". There are friendships I never thought would fall away that are. It makes me sad. No problems or anything - just fading away like a beautiful sunset - great while they lasted and beautiful to remember - but you no longer see them. This morning in my prayer time, I was a little whiny. I was having a pity moment about the fact that I feel like there are times we get left out of activities, times it seems everyone is too busy to hang out, times e-mails and phone calls are not returned and I'm left wondering what is so wrong with me that people don't seem to be interested in any kind of a friendship - when God reminded me of something.
No matter what - no matter whom you have as friends, no matter who walks away, who stays, who whatever - the one thing I can always count on is my friendship with God. Maybe this time is a time where I feel alone in the world - but in the process - I always have Jesus. With him, I don't have to be fun or funny or outgoing or whatever - I just have to be me - and He takes me right there. I don't have to wonder what He is thinking, why He hasn't called, why my posts on His wall are going unanswered - He is always there. Loving me, accepting me, finding me amazing - right where I'm at.
I want that to be enough. I don't want to live in self pity, in self loathing. I don't want to live wishing I was as funny as so and so, as beautiful as what's her name. I don't want to care when I am intentionally left out of events by people who should know better. I just want to be enough to Jesus. I want that to be all I need. Although I may be lonely in the friendships of this world - I am never alone with God.
Anyway. That's all my thoughts for today. Nothing great, extravagant or eloquent - just me.
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2 comments:
a few years ago we moved to be closer to the church we attend, and around that time my group of friends also changed... for different reasons though, but i thought that because i lived closer to my place of worship - which also happens to be neared to a lot of the other church goers - it would make friendship and hanging out with them easier... but everything changed. with one friend, she became pregnant and i think she's got some kind of sickness like lupus but i'm not really sure, but while she was pregnant she basically went completely inactive from church... and then another friend got married, so yeah, i hardly ever see her, and then another friend - well, i started hanging out with her daughter and then our friendship drifted apart and it really hasn't been the same since, and i keep asking her daughter why - but she says her mom is busy and working full time now - so yeah, i could see that would change things.
i remember though, back in college, i had a few close friends that i loved dearly, and they seemed to be ditching me every weekend, or every night that summer... one weekend we planned this trip to NYC and then they ditched me, they still went to NYC but they didn't include me and then they lied about it... and it really hurt a lot. but i forgave them and then i invited them for dinner and then they ditched me again... hey, i'm human, i can only handle that so much...
so i stopped being friends, then i graduated and moved out to phoenix... and that's when my life really began... and i made new friends (better friends) and
so God is right. He will always be your friend... reminds me of that footprints poem... anyway,
there will be some new friends for you right around the corner... and your old friends - you have to figure that they are just busy and not that they are permanently ditching you...
which by the way, those friends that ditched me, wrote to me later to say - sorry. they felt bad that they missed my college graduation... and then i found out in the letter that my friend was in and out of the hospital for not taking care of her health/diabetes... so you see, sometimes when people are having issues... it's that they are having issues with themselves
sorry for the long reply... just wanted to respond to your post.
and don't worry about it, i haven't blogged in a while either... but that's okay!
I hear ya! I struggle sometimes because I feel like I'm always left out; facebook is hard on our hearts too as I see one person from church hitting it off with someone new yet she doesn't include me; or when the pastors wife is best friends with someone and others (like me) are left off ot the side. I have to look at myself sometiems but, I think I'm nice HA! I miss old friendships but I haven't figured out how to build new ones . . .it's hard though!
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