On our way home

I shared with you some pics yesterday of our first day on campus.  As I said, we were terribly impressed with NCU.  It was unbelievably organized.  The staff/students/everyone were sooooo welcoming.  We spent the day moving her in, eating and getting familiar with campus.

Today we started the day with a convocation service with staff, new students and parents.  Again - beyond impressive.  Everything shared was further confirmation that Elyse is exactly where she belongs at NCU.  It was a tough day for all of us, however.  We did visit the mall of america (unbelievable - pics to come later) but on the train ride back to campus, Elyse sobbed her heart out on my shoulder and fell asleep crying.

I have been an emotional wreck.  I did not see that coming.  I also didn't think Elyse would struggle.  Pray for her if you would.  She's feeling lonely and although many students appear to have come in with friends - she is by herself.  She's struggling to fit in right now and although I have no doubt she will in a short amount of time - it's not easy to be living 12 hours from home in a city, state, on a campus with not a single person you know.  Reality hit hard today.

I cried.  A lot.  Actually I sobbed out loud like a 2 year old once I made it to the car.  I was crying way before that - but it was not pretty once I was in the car, out of the public eye and away from Elyse.  I had NOOOO idea that I would have such a hard time! I really thought I was prepared since she's been out of the country so many times before.  Oh was I not prepared.

My new favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and I'm already counting down the days!  The first, oh, 300 - 500 I make student teaching will be used to buy her plane ticket home!  It's going to be the BEST Thanksgiving ever!

So many thoughts and emotions today.  I'm not one to live with regrets, but I spent at least an hour on the way home chastising myself for not spending more time with my daughter, for the many times I blew it as a parent and said stupid things, for not being perfect.  My husband is an amazing man and looked at me and said "uh Tam?  Did your daughter grow up like you did?  Was she sad to say goodbye today?" to which I had to answer, no she did not grow up like I did and yes, she was sad to say goodbye.  He then said "you have done a great job as her Mom, now stop blaming yourself for stupid stuff."  What did I do to deserve such a loving husband?  Nothing.  That's just the blessing of my Savior.

Anywho - before I start crying about THAT - I'm just thanking Jesus tonight.  As I said on facebook - today was both the best and hardest day of my life.  Best because we got to see the fulfillment of many of the promises of God in Elyse's life.  We got to see His faithfulness and His great love for her.  The best because my daughter is in a Christian environment surrounded by people who love and serve Him passionately.  We know she is well taken care of.  The hardest because we had to say goodbye to our first born.  The hardest because she is our light, our chill, our laughter.  The hardest because - well - we just plain love her more than anything.

We are now in a hotel north of Chicago, I'm sitting on the bathroom floor typing and the boys are asleep.  I am emotionally exhausted yet unable to sleep.  I'm wondering how my girl is doing and whether or not she's getting any sleep.  Her room is like 5,000 degrees - sooooo blasted hot!!  I realize, it's Minneapolis, it won't stay hot for long - but I'm feeling bad for her tonight.

Pray for her.  Pray for us.  Pray God shows Himself to her loud and clear.  Pray she makes friends, is able to get some sleep, is safe and healthy.  Pray God gives her wisdom, discernment and love.  Pray He pours His spirit out on her and continues to burn passionately in her heart.  Pray she embraces this new life and runs hard after all God has for her.  Here's one you won't hear from me very often - but pray God gives me the strength to stand.  Pray that God shows me what I'm to do now that she is away.  Pray for wisdom for us as parents as we move into a new phase of life with our beautiful girl.  Pray for her safety and for our mental stability - lol :)

Thanks my faithful readers.  Thanks for listening to me work out the things in my heart tonight.  Where would I be without you?