Letting go is hard stuff!

So tonight my beautiful daughter posts on facebook that she is heading downtown at like 10:30 p.m. and freaks me out.  Of course, I say "your not going alone" and she says "I'm not stupid."  As in - duh Mom - come ON!  But then I go to her tumblr and she's talking all about how she needs to get alone with God and she's looking for a place to do that downtown where she won't get killed - and now - I'm freaked.  But - I've said enough to her (and now I put it on here - how nice!) and - well - here I am.

I've decided that parenting had to be easier for my Mom (stop laughing Mom) in the non-techno age.  The age of no cell phones, no tumblrs, blogs, twitter updates - etc.  The land where she didn't know what in the world I was up to (and that was probably a good thing) or where I was.  When she didn't know I was downtown Grand Rapids (hmmmmmm.......) climbing a building with Donnie and Marty and Dave - or wait - was that just Donnie and Marty - anyway - in the middle of the night.  Where she didn't know I was too chicken to go all the way to the roof so I stayed on the stairs on the side of the building several stories high where I absolutely did not belong and almost got us caught which would have probably resulted in, at the very least, being spoken to by the cops.  Of course, I was only trying to get alone with Marty (do not read into that) and not God - so I guess my kid is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was.

The point is - I thought I was a crappy parent of a teen - but I am coming to realize - I am a crappier parent of an 18 year old.  I can be - uh - obsessive (no comments Elyse!) in my worry and checking in on her.  It's so hard!!  I want to know, but I don't want to know - and this is a GOOD kid.  Lord knows she's in a WAY better spot than I ever was at her age!!

Seriously.  She's taking a cell phone break (ah crap - that means she's probably downtown with NO PHONE.  Sigh.  There is no sleep happening tonight!) and I think I need to take a technology break too.  Not from all of you - but from checking in on her and making sure she is safe, good, okay, healthy, happy, eating, not getting killed downtown at 10:30 p.m., etc.  Does that make me a bad parent??  MY HEAD HURTS from all the worry sometimes!  I'm beginning to wonder if I've crossed into the land of needing psychological help.... :)  Yeah, yeah, okay, so maybe I was in THAT place a long time ago!

Kidding around - but in all seriousness.  I really do think that for my own sanity - I'm going to take a break from my checking in.  Of course I'll call and all that - but I need to take a step back and realize she is safe in the arms of Jesus.  I can't fix anything from here.  She has to have some room to breathe for goodness sakes. 

Sorry Lysie Bug.  I love you.  Oh so stinking much.  I miss you more than I can stand some days.

Letting go is hard stuff!!