Touch my heart

This past fall, we began coaching a Special Olympics team.  I've shared with you some of the funnies and some of the things that have touched my heart.  I can't believe we did this - but last night was the team pizza party - and Marty and I TOTALLY forgot about it and never showed up.  There are 2 other coaches thankfully but I just can't believe we did this.

Special Olympics has lead me to do something else new in my life and that was to switch from being a general ed substitute to a special ed substitute.  I've been very busy, getting several calls a day which is a good, good thing.  Today I woke up sick and ended up at the Dr. - I have strep throat so I'll be off for the rest of this week.

Anyway - teaching in a special education classroom is an entirely different animal than teaching in the regular ed classroom. I'm not going to share with you names here, nor districts, nor schools, nor any identifying information as that would totally break all confidentiality laws as well as just being stupid on my part.

It requires patience.  A lot of patience.  You will be argued with, you will most likely get hit to some degree at some point, your hair will be pulled, you will be defied, screamed at.  This observation has been made in a week from what I've already witnessed and from stories other teachers have shared with me.  You must keep in mind these children can not help it - and that's obvious the moment you meet them.  It's as if some of them are locked somewhere far away in their minds and reality is just not the place they want to be.

It's sad.  Incredibly sad.  In all honesty - I have left the building crying every single day this past week.  Asking God why.  Why do children have to suffer?  I have prayed over every one of them silently, asking for complete healing and for strength on their journey.  I have prayed for their parents because I can not imagine how difficult it must be for them - in so many ways.  It must be exhausted - physically, emotionally.

There is so much to learn and the teachers are overwhelmed. So many needs to be meet.  One of the classrooms I was in had 13, another 9 - 3 teachers in each of the classrooms.  You would think that would be enough,  Reality is, it doesn't touch the surface.  Not even close.  Their learning issues vary greatly - some with very minor issues, some unable to communicate - as I said - locked away somewhere in their own minds.  One of the young people I met this past week has just begun to communicate.  He's 10 years old.

Every day when I get in the car and drive home, crying - I think to myself  "you don't have to do this."  But, I do.  I do because I believe in keeping things real.  I believe in reaching where it hurts.  I believe putting ourselves in uncomfortable and difficult situations shows us the heart of God.  I'm no one special - trust me - but I believe doing things like this is what God would do.  I want to touch the world the way He does - and in the process, keep my heart broken for this world.  If it's hard - that's good.  In the hard places, we see the greatest moves of God.

Touch my heart oh God so I can touch others for You.