Woe is me post

Okay folks, grab a Kleenex and your little violin and start playing for me, would 'ya??

All kidding aside.  This week has been a rough one.  I seriously need to have some fun in life because in the recent months, life has lost it's fun factor.  Not cool, not cool at all.

Do you ever have a day where nothing is wrong, yet nothing is right?  When that day becomes a week, then the week becomes a month and next thing you know, you can't remember the last time you spent a day laughing?

It hit me tonight, that's me!

I was browsing facebook (stupid idea when I'm in one of these "moods") and getting all depressed at what appeared to be all the Christmas fun everyone seems to be having, becoming increasingly jealous and offended that I wasn't invited here or there.  On a side note here - I like Facebook.  I like keeping in touch with family and friends I otherwise don't get to chat with.  On the other hand - I might be changing my Facebook status in the next year to non-existent.  I'm realizing lately I waste a whole lot of time on there, learn things about people I'd rather not know, and get my feelings hurt at least a couple of times a month.  I'm thinking the bad is outweighing the good at this point.

ANYWAY - I realized as I looked at various people's facebook pages that these were once friends - real friends - in the real world - and not just on Facebook.  They were people who's lives I was involved in, people I laughed with, spent time with, knew their kids names and birthdays - but now I'm merely a silent facebook stalker - totally withdrawn from their lives.  I'm not blaming in on Facebook or them by any means - I'm just saying at some point in my life, I've pulled away - from a lot of people.

I know why and there are things I'll never post here or anywhere else.  I'm exhausted emotionally most of the time anymore.  No, no, no, nothing to do with my past nor anything to do with my marriage.  Yet daily life - it can be overwhelming and the thought of heading out to be a part of anyone else's life when I'm just trying to get through my own - well - that's rough.  I'm MAKING myself go to bible study every Monday with ladies I love as it is - but taking that time when I've got things to do at home - well, it's been a commitment quite honestly.

I don't know that I have a point to this post.  I don't know how to change who I've become - the quiet, withdrawn person who isn't having a whole lot of fun in life anymore.  I don't know how to get back to the carefree, less stressed, find joy in the little things me.  It seems that day after day, it's something else to deal with and I don't know how to live above it all. I can hear the Psalmists words "Why are you so downcast within me soul?"  I don't know if I'm depressed necessarily - but tired of dealing with the daily grind.

Is anyone out there hearing me on this one??  Sorry.  I know this is a grumbly post and I know there have been more of them than not lately.  I'm who I am, real, on this page as I am in life.  Maybe that's why I don't have any friends :)

On a separate note - I do have a little Christmas project planned this week - making a tree skirt - and if that turns out as good as I'm praying it will - I'll share some Christmas joy with y'all on that.

Thanks for sticking with me friends.  Maybe this is a send-your-daughter-off-to-college-raise-a-15-year-old-boy-both-of-whom-are-wanting-a-driver's-license-thing. 

Shutting up now.  Thank you for reading this far.