You say goodbye, I say hello

It's almost New Year's Eve.  I haven't written a blog post in...well...forever.  So - here goes nothing.

2011.  Let's recap:

1.  Elyse graduated high school and entered college.  Bittersweet.  So proud of her for all she has accomplished.  Yet - saying goodbye - is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.  Quite frankly - it's quite sucky.  Sorry for using that term - but there is no better way to say it.  Love having her home on her breaks now but boy do I miss her when she's not here. She is doing brilliantly at school - finding out who she is and loving life.  She calls Minneapolis home now.  I remember those days.  It's quite odd being the parent.  It hurts when she calls someplace else home - yet - at the same time - it's those words that make me see she is exactly where she needs to be.

2.  Jon turned 15.  He went from playing premier travel soccer since the age of 5 to quitting soccer all together.  He finished a very difficult 8th grade year at an impossible school (at no fault of his own) and moved on to be a freshman at a school that actually strives to see him succeed.  He isn't playing high school soccer and that is a shock.  He's trying out for football next year.  He's grown several inches and gained several pounds.  He's turning into a man right in front of my eyes.  Much change in his life.  I am proud of him.  It's not always easy for him - and he is doing good.  He is brave, courageous and a compassionate young man. 


3.  Marty quit coaching soccer.  Best.  Decision.  Ever.  We are done - DONE - dealing with all the politics that travel soccer has involved over the years.  Done with - well - a lot.  HUGE relief.  Huge stressor gone in our lives.  Did I say what a great decision this was?  The best.  At times, it's hard to believe how much soccer controlled our lives.  Now that we are free of it's death grip - we are better for it.  Still teaching up at Pioneer.  Another good thing.  Deepening some friendships up there slowly but surely.  It's a good thing.

4.  I started working full time.  Teaching Special Education.  Not having the best couple of months physically.  I haven't shared it with many people but the truth of the matter is right now I'm dealing with some health issues.  I've been having these sudden spells where the room spins violently, my head feels like someone has tasered it and my ears feel like I'm being held under water.  It lasts 30 seconds to a minute and goes away.  It started in November and continues.  I finally saw a Dr. this past week.  She has ordered some tests.  We'll see what happens.  My thyroid is out of whack and causing more weight gain.  Not fun.  Never thought I would see the weight I'm at now. Embarrassing, humiliating, debilitating, depressing.

Overall, I see 2011 as a tough one.  I can't honestly look back and see much more than struggle.  Struggle financially, struggle health wise, struggle emotionally.  Both kids have struggled.  It has been hard.  I have failed to see God's hands at times - yet at others - I feel his comfort.  I have had to lean heavily on him so many times this year.  He is faithful.  He is always faithful.

2012.  What will it hold?  I want my health to be better.  I want to find joy where there has been pain.  I want to walk through the valley with my head held high and remember God has a bigger and better plan than where I am now.  I want to draw closer to my Father, to my husband, to my children.  I want to get used to this new "norm" of being a parent of a child in college and a parent of a child in high school.  I want to learn to get on my knees first instead of worrying and fretting.  I want to see the mighty move of God in my life - in whatever way He sees fit.  I want to obey quicker, listen closer, respond faster.  I want to hear more, see more, do more.  I want to find a way to see in the darkness where I haven't found my way.  I want to be a happier person - one who does not get so easily dragged down by the tough stuff in my life.  I want to smile more.  I want to change a life for the better - my own but more important - someone else's.  I want to write more.  I want to find purpose more.  I want more than making it through day by day.  I want to LIVE and not just survive.  I want more.

I say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012.  What will the future hold?