Parenting Etiquette for Facebook

This is a post a long time coming.

I am a parent of 1 young adult and 1 teen.  Until my oldest went to college, we knew her password for Facebook.  In fact, I probably still know it.  Same for the youngest who is almost 16.  I monitor their Facebook accounts - more for the younger than the older now - but monitored the oldest as well when she was at home.

We have some rules.  First and foremost - family issues - stay in the family.  Never.  Ever get on Facebook and talk bad about us as parents.  That's a fast way to get yourself kicked off Facebook permanently.  Neither of my kids have ever done that to my knowledge.

But more than that - we do the same for our kids.

Here's the deal.

Don't talk bad about your teens on Facebook.  Don't try to publicly humiliate them.  Don't air your gripes and complaints about your teens for the world to see.  Don't share what they've done wrong.  Don't talk about how much they annoy you. Don't involve other people on Facebook and try to get other people on your side when your teens are mad at you.  Just don't do it.  If you see someone else doing it - don't get involved.  Don't say a word.  If you expect your kids not to talk about YOU on Facebook - well then - don't talk about them.  Keep family matters private.

Just once, and only once, I made the mistake of making a remark about one of my kids on Facebook.  It was on a comment and it really wasn't that big of a deal - and I didn't think they would see it - but my child saw it.  The look in their eyes told me I had crossed the line.  I unintentionally embarrassed them and hurt their feelings all at the same time.  Said child, in turn, removed me from their Facebook account - which was quickly remedied because that's not going to happen.  However - I gave them some grace - because I was to blame.

When my kids do something on Facebook I don't like - comments or updates - or whatever - because I'm monitoring - I catch it quickly.  I talk to them face to face and not over the computer.  Honestly I think maybe once with both of my kids have I even had to have a conversation because the expectations were set ahead of time.  I don't post something on their status as a snotty reply.  I don't make videos of shooting up their computers like a recent thing I saw that everyone thinks is hilarious.  That's a good way to cause permanent damage to your relationship.

Once when I was a teenager we were visiting my Aunt. This was pre-Facebook - pre-Internet days.  It was late at night and I overheard my parents - and especially my Dad - telling my Aunt what a horrible teenager I was.  Of course, in my situation, I wanted to run out there and tell my Aunt what my father had been doing to me my whole life - but beyond that - I was crushed.  Devastated that my father was out there telling my Aunt all these bad things about me.  It hurt and hurt a lot.  It's no different now with Facebook.  There is just no need to tell the world how awful your teenager is.  We all know how teenagers are.  If you need to talk, find a trusted friend and call them or privately message them when your kid is not around.  There is nothing wrong with seeking advice - but to put it out there for everyone - unfair.

Anyway.  That's my 2 cents.  It breaks my heart to see so many parents who feel it is okay to talk bad about their teenagers or someone elses teenagers on Facebook.  It's not the way things should be handled.