Reflections

I am a lousy blogger!  Goodness, it's been too long!

And on that note - this will be a long one folks so fasten your seat belt and thanks for going along for the ride :)

2012.  What can we say about 2012?  This is a tad early - a month before Christmas - but I have the notion to write, so write I will.

It was a very long year.  Many good things and many difficult things.

I set some goals last New Years.  I believe there were 3.  I don't remember one out of the 3 - but I remember 2.  First was getting my weight down and second was improving my spiritual walk.

Let's start with the positive.

Around February I got really sick.  As in stuck in bed, could NOT breathe, asthma out of control.  I thought I had pneumonia but it turned out just to be a bad cold and a massively long (like a week) asthma attack.  Anyway, it put me in bed and out cold.  I couldn't bend over without feeling like I was going to pass let alone do anything productive.  During that week, I was depressed.  I KNEW a lot of it had to do with my weight.  I happened upon a documentary called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" - and that, my friends, was pretty much how I felt.

2 weeks later I had bought myself a juicer and began my journey.  1 month later, I was down 30 pounds and began a couch to 5k program - on a broken toe and in a walking boot for 15 weeks.  (Let's just not talk about that experience - never kick a dishwasher in anger)

Now I am down 40.  It was down 50 but the last month of holiday-eating-like-crap-and-not-running-and-changing-my-thyroid-meds has resulted in a 10 pound gain - but we'll get to that in a moment.

I ran (as in no walking!) my first 5k on my 42nd birthday this year.  It was an awesome experience and I am so thankful to my hubby, my sister and my brother-in-law who never stopped believing in me.  I'll never forget the very first run (training run).  2 minutes!  2 minutes and I had a huge asthma attack, I went to the car and thought I'd never do it again.  That is a distant memory now.  For the first time in my life, when I crossed that finish line - I was proud of myself - of how far I've come.

Now I have to remember that feeling and get back on track - but at least now - now I know what I AM capable of.  And I know it's so much more than I give myself credit for.  But that's a resolution for next year.  Take off another 50 pounds, run a few more 5k's and start training for a 10k.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This year was tough parenting wise.  Our kids went through some difficult times.  If your a Mom - you know when your kids suffer - so do you.  I'm not going to share their struggles here - that is up to them in their time and in their way - but suffice to say it was difficult for all of us.

I have struggled spiritually for the last year.  I have gone to places with God I have not been in a very long time.  I have questioned Him - questioned his goodness, questioned his presence, questioned my trust in him.  It has not been easy.  I don't know that I have received any answers - but I find one thing interesting along the way.  No matter what - no matter the depth I go or the anger I feel or the frustration and hurt in my life - I find myself turning to him.  In my anger, in my frustration, in my tears, in my hurt, in my pain - I yell, I scream, I cry - but I talk to my Father.  It has been hard and I still feel distant.  I feel my prayers hit the ceiling and I don't feel an every day presence kind of thing.  But I know that we will cross this bridge and I will be better for it.  That's part of the resolution for next year.  Find my place in God.  Figure out who I am in Him and what He wants me to do in this life.

We moved this past year!  Finally left Bedford and moved to Ann Arbor.  I have yet to have time to enjoy it as I also picked up a full time job.  That's another story for another post but I have been employed full time since July.  WOW is it CRAZY!  I have a WHOLE NEW appreciation for career women!  I've always thought you were all nuts (sorry) but now I struggle being one of you.  It's tough!  I have yet to find the balance - but I'm working on it.  I am happy to be in Ann Arbor even though I haven't found time to enjoy it.  We moved just outside the city and I love our new house.  Our landlord is AWESOME, the property is beautiful, the nature preserve right next door - wow - we are blessed.  We found renters for our old home (although they are struggling so please pray for them if you would).  Everything worked out so perfect - and I know that's a God thing.

The one thing we haven't found in A2 is a church.  It hit me today that we've been here since July - but still no church home.  We are gone on weekends - a lot.  If we are going to find one to call home, we need to stay put on the weekends.  I'll throw this in here - teenagers - don't always like to go to church.  That has been difficult so I ask that you would pray with me we could find one that our teenager falls in love with and wants to go to.  We need it.  I need it.  Boy, do I need it.

Well - I hate to end so abruptly (lol) - but I must go back to work.  Thanks for reading this far. I'll do my best - as always - to post more - but the truth of the matter is I have not a lot of time.  Maybe I'll post an update soon about my kiddos for those family and friends still here. 

Thanks for continuing to read a blog that is never updated.  Thanks for making it allllll the way to the end of this post! Thanks for allowing me to keep it real and loving me anyway.  I pray you all have a blessed CHRISTmas season this year.