Goodbye Bedford

Long time, no post.  Pretty normal anymore!

In less than 2 weeks, we will be leaving the home we have lived in for almost 12 years.  We moved here when Elyse went to Kindergarten and now she will be a sophomore in college.  Jon was a baby and is now a sophomore in high school.  My how things have changed.

There have been so many blessings - too many to recall and give them proper due.  My kids - wow - have they grown.  They truly are good kids.  It was easier in so many ways when they were small - yet they make me proud every single day.  We moved here and there was so little they could do on their own - they were so dependent on us.  Now - now they are individuals, with their likes, their dislikes, their gifts and talents - both very able to handle life independently.  We are so blessed at the young people they are becoming.  I consider myself blessed beyond measure.

I think the biggest blessing of the last 12 years was our church which led us to the cross.  Our marriage was saved, our kids were saved and baptized, our daughter called into the ministry.  There has been much spiritual growth in our family over the past 12 years.  There is always room for more growth - but we are not the same people we were when we moved here 12 years ago.  We are grateful for the influence of God's people and God's church in our kids lives and in our lives.

We have had many ministry opportunities while here.  We have learned from all of them.  We have worked with international students who have grown our love for world missions and for this beautiful world God has given us.  We have worked with teenagers, young adults, Special Olympics,  kids,  worship, and so many things I can't even think of in this moment.  All have caused us to grow and in every situation, we have been more blessed than the blessing we were to be.  I am thankful for all the experiences we have had while here.  They have grown us closer to Jesus and have made us more like Him.

Our marriage - oh how it has grown.  I think the tougher experiences pulled us closer together.  12 years ago we moved here, wondering if our marriage would survive.  So much has changed.  We have made it and now we have one of the most solid marriages of anyone I know.  We are so deeply in love with each other.  I would have never seen that 12 years ago.

We have survived cancer, job changes, financial gain and financial loss, moves from house to house, being ridiculed, lied about - so many hard, tough things - yet we have grown from each of them.

We have made many good friends.  Aaron and Lois - oh how special you both are to me.  I will miss both of you and your beautiful families.  I am thankful for how you have both stuck by my side through everything.  I am thankful that through it all, despite of me, you have loved me anyway and believed in my, in my family, in my children.  You truly have made my life richer just from being in it.

I am thankful for all the girls I have coached in soccer.  For Carlee, for Lauren, for Bethany, Ryan - the list goes on forever and I don't want to leave anyone out.  I have watched all of you grow from immature high school girls to mature young women who have beautiful families and beautiful lives.  I am so proud of each of you and am thankful to God for the time we spent together.  Those were truly good times for me. Thank you for being a light in my life then and even now.  I do love you all.  I am thankful for Alana - for coaching with me - for Peggy - again - for coaching with me.  I was and am so blessed to have 2 young women who are some of the finest young women I know work alongside of me.  You guys kept things light, kept me on track and focused.  Now I count you both as friends and I am thankful for you.  I am thankful for Bill Regnier who gave me the opportunity to coach.  I am thankful he put up with my stubbornness and inability to be flexible at times :)  I am thankful for Pat Mull who believed in all of my girls as well - who took care of so many details for me and for the girls.  You guys are the best.

I am thankful for Nate & Wendy, Rick & Beth, Mike & Pam.  Where would we be without your Godly leadership in our lives - especially so many years ago.  Thank you for loving Jesus and loving us because of it.

I am thankful for this home we are now about to hand to someone else (still looking if you are interested!).  It has seen much laughter, tears, fear, pain, joy.  The moment I walked into it, I knew it would be ours.  It may be small - but it has been home and our family has grown in it.  I am thankful for it and for our neighbors who have always been so good to us.

Well this post is going on forever.  Thank you Bedford for all the good times.  It's time to say goodbye and make some new memories.  Our door is always open and you are always welcome.  Let this not be goodbye but see you soon.   

Running Thoughts

I realize I haven't blogged in - well - forever.  I have no apologies and no excuses - it's just the way life rolls sometimes!


So - I have no idea if I've talked about this but I'm training for a 5k currently using a conservative couch to 5k program I found on beginner triathlete.com.  I am glad I went the conservative route for 110 reasons - none of which I will share for now :)  It was a good approach for me and I might actually be running 30 minutes straight by the end of it.  I doubt it some days - but I've come a long, long way from being a couch potato to somewhat of a runner or at least a runner in training.

My training has brought me to some conclusions about a few things.  In particular, about a certain group of people.

There is a local running shop that shall remain nameless.  I tried to get shoes there once several years ago - back when all I did was think about exercise but never really did it.  I was overweight then too.  Personally I feel overweight people who brave walking into a running shop should be congratulated, rewarded, encouraged - but that was not the mentality of this local running shop.  It was all they could do to contain their laughter (and, in fact, one young man did laugh as he stood behind the counter).  They lost a good customer that day and plenty more because I recommend another shop every time someone asks - and because I'm overweight and getting in shape - plenty of people ask.

So.  Fast forward to present day.  We have a local park we do almost all of our runs at.  I won't say where 'cause well, this is Internet land and I prefer not to be pulled off a trail at said running park and kidnapped or something - but we go there several days a week to run.  Local running shop also has a local running club that trains at this same park.  Last time I ran, I came oh so close to shoving one of them off the path.  Oh. so. close.

They run either all decked out in the latest running gear or with as minimal clothing as possible with their skinny running bodies flying down the path.  They TAKE OVER the path.  If you don't get out of their way, they will run you over.  They are not nice, don't let you know when they are going to pass, just run with arrogant smirks on their faces and everyone just moves out of their way.  Sometimes, when the weather is cooler, they all wear the same t-shirt advertising their running shop.  Oh how cute. (sarcasm)

Anyway - the point is this.  Next time - next time - I will not move.  I may not be a runner yet but I am a truck and it will hurt if they do not get out of my way.  I promise, it will hurt.  It may hurt me as much, but I will take great pleasure in seeing their skinny little half naked bodies fly across the trail.  Honestly, they need to be humbled.  (I really am not sure if I'm kidding or not - that's how angry it makes me)

I get tired of the arrogance.  The arrogance that says I'm not as important as they are because I'm slow and struggling and barely breathing and heavy.  The arrogance that says they own the place and I'm  not as cool as they are.  The arrogance that says they know more than me, are better than me, can run faster than me, and somehow deserve more recognition than me.  It's all there in their stupid little smiles and inability to share the trail.

I know, I've lost it - but I swear it's true.

I work hard.  I work so hard when I run.  I am in pain every single run.  I have asthma and every single run, I feel as if I am trying to breathe under water. I am running with 60 extra pounds on my frame (down almost 50, I might add).  I deserve respect - regardless of my size.  I deserve respect because I have the courage to step out on that trail with those idiots and run anyway even though they act as if I do not belong.  I do belong.  I may be slow, but I am worthy of their respect simply because I try.

So - if you, like me, are an overweight person who is trying to change their body - good for you.  Keep going - and don't let anyone intimidate you.  You deserve more.  Prove them wrong by not quitting.  And,  if you live in my area - feel free to stand strong and make them give up the path.

And that, my friends, is my 2 cents.  Aren't you glad I'm back?? :)

Update!

First - let me apologize - I had a few comments some wonderful readers left a long while ago that I had yet to approve only because I haven't been on here since spring break.  I am sorry :(  If you are still there - thanks for stopping by and for commenting - it's always wonderful to know someone actually READS this blog!!

Second - let's just give you an update on life!

Elyse - finished her first year at NCU!  CRAZY!  We are so stinking proud of her.  She is such a blessing to this Mom!  I flew out last week to meet my in-laws in Minneapolis and we brought her home.  She, once again, did great, got awesome grades, met some terrific friends and loved her life in Minneapolis.  She is slowly adjusting to being home - I remember - it's a tough adjustment.  She misses  her friends and there are already plans for at least one of them to come stay with us for a week to visit.  How fun :)  Seems like it was just yesterday when I went home to meet Marty's family in college - and look what a huge blessing that has turned out to be! God is so faithful!

Jon - 6 more weeks and I'll have a sophomore in high school and a 16 year old!  Lord help us - lol :)  He has done some major growing up this year.  At the start of the year, he was short enough for me to rest my chin on his head and he weighed under 100 pounds - or right at 100.  That is all no more.  His voice has changed, he is taller than me and he clocks in at close to 140 pounds!  He loves his new school and is planning on going out for football in the fall.  He has worked very hard this school year and has come a long way.  He, too, is a blessing to us.

Marty - let's see.  He's been busy teaching as always.  We had a little scare right around spring break - he was bumped from his teaching position.  I don't know why I worry though, God always knows what the future holds and another science teacher is retiring which secured Marty's position for at least next year.  He's also picked up quite a bit on the metal scrapping.  He loves it - I don't understand it - but if it makes him happy, it makes me happy!

Me - WELL :)  I don't know what I wrote last but the weight loss journey continues!  I have yet to miss a day on my couch to 5k training.  I have added weight lifting and working out with a friend at least one day a week as well.  The weight continues to be stubborn and I have been stuck for well over a month at the same weight - but I just keep pressing on.  I have become totally vegetarian now.  Working on eliminating all processed foods - but let's just say that is not as easy as cutting out the meat was!  Being a thyroid cancer survivor has it's pitfalls and a horrible metabolism is one of them!

US - working on moving to Ann Arbor - the goal is to be there by this fall.  AND - we are about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary later this month!  WOO HOO!  I'll write more on that later - but let's just say I consider myself to be incredibly blessed to be married to Marty.  I can't wait to celebrate 20 years - we are more in love now than we were 20 years ago. 

Well my friends - there's your update.  It's a long one and I'll do my best to start writing more often.  Our home computer died so my time on the computer is now limited to when Marty is home from school with his laptop.  But - I will try my hardest to at least post once a week or so!

Thanks for reading this huge long post :)

Shatter the Silence

It's been, again, forever, since I've written anything on this blog.  Life just happens.

Anyway - we're on vacation in Minneapolis with our beautiful daughter.  Little man is in Texas visiting his Grandparents.  I've had some time to pick up a book on my kindle called "Rid of my disgrace".  Here are some quotes:

"The refusals of others to speak about sexual assault and listen to victims tell the truth is a refusal to offer grace and healing."

"There is an epidemic of sexual assault, and victims need the kind of hope and help that only the gospel of Jesus Christ can provide.  Tragically, most churches and Christians are woefully unprepared to help the one in four women and one in six men who have been abused sexually.  Worse still, many Christian leaders (including parents) are ignorant of this epidemic because ashamed victims are reticent to simply declare what has been done to them, and untrained leaders do not recognize the signs of sexual assault or know how to inquire lovingly of victims."

I've thought a lot about this in the past - the silence that runs so deep in this topic.  Let me share some of my experiences, without bitterness, of what has happened to me at various times when I have tried to share my past. 

I've had stupidity.  I've been told I must have wanted it if I stayed in the home and didn't run away.  This being told to me by the mother of my first college boyfriend.  I wish I had known then what I know now.  Anyway - without bitterness :)  I've had pity (which I struggle with).  I've had genuine concern - friends who have allowed me to share even though they do not understand.  I've had the loving, gentle touch of my husband who has coaxed me out of my shell, has given me wings to fly, has protected and cherished me and has kissed, so to speak, my scars.  I've had silence.  I've had people who say nothing - but in their saying nothing, say everything.  I've had people who just plain don't know how to respond.

No one likes to talk about the reality of sexual abuse - and especially not in the church.  It hurts too much.  It is graphic - it is raw.  It is very raw.  Most wish to push it under a rug and hope it will go away - hope the victims will stay silent so that they don't make people uncomfortable.  Some think a victims past should stay - in the past.  Christ does, indeed, make all things new - but the making of new things requires the shedding of old.

I talk about my past more than most - but honestly, I don't talk about it enough.  I wonder just how many women I sit next to on Sunday morning who are just waiting for someone to notice, to say something.  I wonder how many women - and men - wish they could just be set free of something that has held them captive for so very long.

Reading this book makes me realize there is more to do.  I don't know what yet, I don't know how - but I really do need to tell my story.  I did, once, and I had a women come up to me and I knew - I knew in 3 seconds - it had happened to her too.  My courage gave her courage.  It was humbling.

I am not good at "ending" posts.  But I guess I would say this.  We really need to blow open the doors of shame in the church.  We need to find a way to make church the place to find healing.  We need to stop acting ashamed of our victims.  We do - we do it by not allowing them to speak, by not giving them a voice, by smiling politely but walking away hoping they will just shut up, by saying nothing.  We need to stop because Jesus offers so much more than that.  Jesus wants so much more for all of us.  Freedom for the captives.  Beauty for ashes.  Prisoners set free.

The doors to the prison need to be blown wide open.  The darkness needs the light of Jesus pouring in to chase the darkness away.  How do we do that?  By breaking the silence.

I'm praying about what to do next - how to create that place - how to be that person.  Trying to figure out what form that will take.  First I have to contact a friend who has asked me to speak but I have been both terrified and waiting for the day I feel like I've - I don't know - I've been perfect spiritually.  But I must find a way - because I am brave enough to talk about what was done to me - I must find a way to allow others to find that strength as well.

Moving On

I think I mentioned in my New Year's Resolution post that this year may bring a move.  It is now becoming a reality.

For those of you who know us, you know this has been coming for a very long time.  In all honesty, this place that we have lived for well over 10 years has never welcomed us with open arms.  No, I'm not going into it all - but we have never truly been happy as a family here.  We have never embraced it anymore than it has embraced us.  I've been waiting for the day we would move on for years and I think there are probably those who will be happy to see us go.

Now it's here - only we're not moving on where I thought we would be (south - warm - tropical).  Instead we are moving 45 minutes north to where Marty works and Jon goes to school.  Yesterday we were walking around downtown and for the first time, I got nervous.  For the first time, I second-guessed our decision.

But as I type this, I am reminded of the Egyptians.  They got into the desert and wanted nothing more than to turn back to Egypt - to where they were enslaved, treated poorly.  Back to their comfort zone - even though they were never comfortable.

I was talking with someone at church on Sunday and I said this stage in life is hard.  I feel like I don't know who I am anymore - what I am.  I feel as if all of the friendships I once had are no longer there.  Sunday morning, during worship, the phrase "it's time to move on" kept running through my head.  I was trying to figure out if that was a God-thing or a Tami- thing.

Whatever it was, we are moving on.  There are some things I am excited about.  No one looks at us twice.  Marty is dark, I am light - and no one cares.  Anonymity is a beautiful thing.  I love the culture.  I love the international feel.  I love that I'm not going to run into someone who thinks they know us based on the lies someone else has spread in the past.  In fact, I love the fact that if we DO run into someone we know, it's because their kid had Marty as a teacher and they love him.  We will live closer to some friends, closer to my brother, closer to our families.  We won't be spending 800.00 a month on gas.

On the other hand - there are things I am nervous about.  Where will we go to church?  I hate "breaking in" a new church.  HATE IT.  But it's funny - Jon - JON - has already been working on that!  Never saw that coming!  He went to the EMU lock in with our church we attend now and met some kids from a youth group up there.  He has been asking his friends at school where they go to church.  See - now that is a good thing.

I am concerned about the liberalism in AA.  The acceptance is great - but there is also a downside to that - where there is tolerance for everything BUT bible-believing Christians.  It does make me a little nervous.

It's a transition phase in life.  We are not going to buy a home there - we are going to rent.  That way, in 3 years when Jon graduates, we are free to move if we need to.  We are also going to rent out our home here - so we're looking for some awesome renters!  Also nervous about being a landlord.  Not something I thought we would ever be - but - we must.  The market is so incredibly horrible that we would lose over 50% of what we paid for our house.  Not going to happen.

Anyway.  That's where it's at.  I think I made 3 New Years goals - to lose weight, to draw close to God and to move.  I think.  It's all a slow, steady work in progress.

Hodge Podge

I'm not even sure if that's correct spelling up there (Hodge podge!), but this is going to be a short (stop laughing) little update and - and I won't make any promises as to when I'll be back writing normal posts!  Life is - well - life!

I wrote one of my new years resolutions was to lose weight.  Well, I've lost a bit actually!  I've done a juicing fast and this week I start training for a 5k.  Pray - this is not a battle - it's WAR!!

Kiddos are doing well!  Lysie is busy at school and her first year is almost over.  My how time flies!  I am soooo looking forward to having my girl home.  Jon continues to work through school - still tough - but he is working hard and plunging forward.  He's decided to try out for football this next fall.  The kid is GROWING like crazy.  He's as tall as me and has hit 140 pounds.  Marty was 145 when we got married so I think the kid might actually be bigger than his Dad at some point.  Never thought I would say that!!

My foot is still in the walking boot.  I've been pushing too much but will continue to push some more.  It's my nature.  As I said - I will start training for a 5k this week - walking boot and all!  It's just the way I roll ;)

Today God has been giving me a rather strange (lol) message - well - strange in the wording - but when God repeats "strange" wording twice in one day - well - I know I'm supposed to pay attention.  Twice today I have heard the exact phrase "Awake from your slumber O sleeper".  It was the message at a church we don't usually attend (visiting friends & went with them).  Didn't think much of it until we were driving home and lo and behold - the EXACT phrase was on a church sign of all things that we passed on the way home.  Noted God!

Let's see - for the boys Spring break, we're headed out to see Elyse in Minneapolis.  I am beyond excited!  Little man is going to fly down to Texas to see his Grandparents.  I'm terrified of the whole flying by himself thing - but he, of course, being almost 16, can NOT wait!  He loves Texas.  He told us today he was going to college at Texas Tech.  One kid in the freezing arctic zone of Minneapolis, one kid in the hot desert zone of Texas.  Go figure.  Fortunately he has 3 more years before that happens - but - he's thinking about it at least!

Got to spend lots of time with friends this past week which is always a blessing.  Took Jon to Castaway Bay in Sandusky and enjoyed some family time as well.  Mid-winter break for the boys has come to a conclusion and it's back to the grind tomorrow :(

Well my friends - that's about all for now.  I know it's been forever and I know I promised to write more.  I'm not going to promise this time - I'm just going to do the best I can with the time I have.  I trust this post finds you all doing way.  Be blessed!

Parenting Etiquette for Facebook

This is a post a long time coming.

I am a parent of 1 young adult and 1 teen.  Until my oldest went to college, we knew her password for Facebook.  In fact, I probably still know it.  Same for the youngest who is almost 16.  I monitor their Facebook accounts - more for the younger than the older now - but monitored the oldest as well when she was at home.

We have some rules.  First and foremost - family issues - stay in the family.  Never.  Ever get on Facebook and talk bad about us as parents.  That's a fast way to get yourself kicked off Facebook permanently.  Neither of my kids have ever done that to my knowledge.

But more than that - we do the same for our kids.

Here's the deal.

Don't talk bad about your teens on Facebook.  Don't try to publicly humiliate them.  Don't air your gripes and complaints about your teens for the world to see.  Don't share what they've done wrong.  Don't talk about how much they annoy you. Don't involve other people on Facebook and try to get other people on your side when your teens are mad at you.  Just don't do it.  If you see someone else doing it - don't get involved.  Don't say a word.  If you expect your kids not to talk about YOU on Facebook - well then - don't talk about them.  Keep family matters private.

Just once, and only once, I made the mistake of making a remark about one of my kids on Facebook.  It was on a comment and it really wasn't that big of a deal - and I didn't think they would see it - but my child saw it.  The look in their eyes told me I had crossed the line.  I unintentionally embarrassed them and hurt their feelings all at the same time.  Said child, in turn, removed me from their Facebook account - which was quickly remedied because that's not going to happen.  However - I gave them some grace - because I was to blame.

When my kids do something on Facebook I don't like - comments or updates - or whatever - because I'm monitoring - I catch it quickly.  I talk to them face to face and not over the computer.  Honestly I think maybe once with both of my kids have I even had to have a conversation because the expectations were set ahead of time.  I don't post something on their status as a snotty reply.  I don't make videos of shooting up their computers like a recent thing I saw that everyone thinks is hilarious.  That's a good way to cause permanent damage to your relationship.

Once when I was a teenager we were visiting my Aunt. This was pre-Facebook - pre-Internet days.  It was late at night and I overheard my parents - and especially my Dad - telling my Aunt what a horrible teenager I was.  Of course, in my situation, I wanted to run out there and tell my Aunt what my father had been doing to me my whole life - but beyond that - I was crushed.  Devastated that my father was out there telling my Aunt all these bad things about me.  It hurt and hurt a lot.  It's no different now with Facebook.  There is just no need to tell the world how awful your teenager is.  We all know how teenagers are.  If you need to talk, find a trusted friend and call them or privately message them when your kid is not around.  There is nothing wrong with seeking advice - but to put it out there for everyone - unfair.

Anyway.  That's my 2 cents.  It breaks my heart to see so many parents who feel it is okay to talk bad about their teenagers or someone elses teenagers on Facebook.  It's not the way things should be handled.