What it takes to be called Daddy

I briefly mentioned this in the previous post - but the more I dwell on it, the more it touches my heart.  I think it deserves a post of it's own.

I case you missed it, I talked about a note our daughter wrote on my husband's Facebook wall this morning.  She's in college this year - a freshman - and last night she went swing dancing with some friends for a birthday party or something.  She wrote this on my husband's wall in the wee hours of the morning:  I learned tonight that I suck at dancing with anybody but you. Miss you daddy. ♥


It sent me into tears instantly.  I called my husband who was on the road to work (probably a bad choice - lol) and he couldn't speak he was crying so hard.


Anyone can be a parent - anyone can be a dad - but it takes someone special to be called daddy by a daughter who is 18.


It makes me so happy.  I didn't have a relationship like that to my father - and watching my husband and daughter - is bittersweet.  How do I explain?  I am beyond happy they have the relationship they do.  It makes me melt and makes me incredibly proud to call Marty my husband.  It makes me see once again what an incredible man he is.  Elyse has a been a daddy's girl from day one.  Her and I are reallllyyy alike.  Marty - he's the opposite of me.  Laid back, chill, hilariously funny.  He loves that girl so stinking much.  She has learned what to expect from a husband by watching the way he treats me and the way he treats her.  I actually feel very sorry for the guy she'll marry one day - I'm not quite sure he will ever live up to the expectations she has set in her mind for someone to be like her Dad.


On the other hand - it's also bitter for me.  I see all I missed out on.  At 18 - I was running from my father.  Literally.  To think of ever writing something like that to him - to have a relationship like that to my father - well - it hurts.  


Anyway - that's not the point of this post.  If you want to know what it takes to be a Daddy and have your daughter say such beautiful things to you at the age of 18 - let me share with you what my husband has done.  There are many things - here are just a few.


When she was little - and even now - they are buddies. No one can make Elyse laugh like her Dad.  They spend time together.  When she was an infant, only Marty could calm her as her seizure medication wore off and kicked back in again.  Hours he would hold her and they would dance around the living room and he would sing in her ear and calm her.  It started when she was 3 days old.  She would scream, he would pick her up and move gently move around the room with her - and soon, she would stop crying.  If he stopped - she would scream again.


Ah man, this post is hard to write.


As she grew, Marty often took her out on "dates".  They attended every daddy/daughter dance they could.  He would buy her flowers, tell her how a man should hold the door for her, pay for her meal, come to the door and not honk the horn.  He would teach her not just by word but action. He would compliment her and tell her how beautiful she was. The would get all duded up to go to the dances.  She would stand on his toes and they would dance the night away.


In her teenage years - she learned by watching how he treated me.  This, men, is the most important thing.  Marty always - without fail - respects me.  We have been married almost 20 years and I can maybe think of only a couple of times he has ever raised his voice to me - and that's probably because I pushed him to that point.  He never talks bad about me to his friends - we always build each other up. He doesn't make crass jokes about me.  What goes on in the bedroom - stays there - it's not open for public discussion.   He still opens doors for me, still pays for our dates (lol), brings me flowers.  He cherishes me and makes me feel like a queen every day of my life.  He's always telling me how beautiful I am - he pours on the compliments even and especially when I don't deserve them.  He is - by far - the biggest servant I have ever met.  He is constantly getting me something to drink, getting me something out of the car I forgot, running all over the house to get whatever I need. He helps around the house.  A real man does dishes, changes poopy diapers and cleans up puke.  No - he's not - what's that saying - "whipped" - he just knows how to serve.  


And can I say another thing?  A real man - cries.  Not all the time, not in a way that makes him weak - but as the saying goes - his heart breaks for the things that break the heart of our heavenly father.  He's not afraid to show when things touch him deeply through emotion.  We tease Marty about this - but truly - it is one of the things we love most.


We never walk around on eggshells in our house waiting for his mood to improve.  Never.  First - I would never allow it - but second and most important - Marty would never in a million years act that way.  Although he loves football - I never have to think on Superbowl Sunday that some stupid football game is going to cause him to be in a foul mood and become abusive.  He doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs.  


He leads spiritually - reading the word, praying, spending time in church.  Serving others.  Even though I can be "opinionated"  (Marty calls it passionate - lol!) - when push comes to shove - Marty makes the spiritual decisions in our home.  He takes us to church and expects his kids to go.  He leads by example.  


If you want your kids to call you Daddy at 18 - well - at least your daughters - then treat your wife the way you want your future son-in-law - to treat your daughter.  She will do as she has learned - not your words - but your actions.  Don't expect anything else from her.


I know there is plenty more I am not thinking of in this moment.  This may deserve another post at a future date. At this point, I've cried myself out so I think we'll end it here.


Marty - I am so glad God put us together.  We are blessed to have you in our lives.  Our kids are blessed.  Future generations - will be blessed.  You have set in motion generations of daughters and sons who know and love the Lord.  I am honored to be your wife and our children are honored to be your children.  Thank you my amazing man.  I love you.