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For those of you who know us, you know this has been coming for a very long time. In all honesty, this place that we have lived for well over 10 years has never welcomed us with open arms. No, I'm not going into it all - but we have never truly been happy as a family here. We have never embraced it anymore than it has embraced us. I've been waiting for the day we would move on for years and I think there are probably those who will be happy to see us go.
Now it's here - only we're not moving on where I thought we would be (south - warm - tropical). Instead we are moving 45 minutes north to where Marty works and Jon goes to school. Yesterday we were walking around downtown and for the first time, I got nervous. For the first time, I second-guessed our decision.
But as I type this, I am reminded of the Egyptians. They got into the desert and wanted nothing more than to turn back to Egypt - to where they were enslaved, treated poorly. Back to their comfort zone - even though they were never comfortable.
I was talking with someone at church on Sunday and I said this stage in life is hard. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore - what I am. I feel as if all of the friendships I once had are no longer there. Sunday morning, during worship, the phrase "it's time to move on" kept running through my head. I was trying to figure out if that was a God-thing or a Tami- thing.
Whatever it was, we are moving on. There are some things I am excited about. No one looks at us twice. Marty is dark, I am light - and no one cares. Anonymity is a beautiful thing. I love the culture. I love the international feel. I love that I'm not going to run into someone who thinks they know us based on the lies someone else has spread in the past. In fact, I love the fact that if we DO run into someone we know, it's because their kid had Marty as a teacher and they love him. We will live closer to some friends, closer to my brother, closer to our families. We won't be spending 800.00 a month on gas.
On the other hand - there are things I am nervous about. Where will we go to church? I hate "breaking in" a new church. HATE IT. But it's funny - Jon - JON - has already been working on that! Never saw that coming! He went to the EMU lock in with our church we attend now and met some kids from a youth group up there. He has been asking his friends at school where they go to church. See - now that is a good thing.
I am concerned about the liberalism in AA. The acceptance is great - but there is also a downside to that - where there is tolerance for everything BUT bible-believing Christians. It does make me a little nervous.
It's a transition phase in life. We are not going to buy a home there - we are going to rent. That way, in 3 years when Jon graduates, we are free to move if we need to. We are also going to rent out our home here - so we're looking for some awesome renters! Also nervous about being a landlord. Not something I thought we would ever be - but - we must. The market is so incredibly horrible that we would lose over 50% of what we paid for our house. Not going to happen.
Anyway. That's where it's at. I think I made 3 New Years goals - to lose weight, to draw close to God and to move. I think. It's all a slow, steady work in progress.
