Mean - Taylor Swift

I've been tossing around sharing this post with you for a while.  I love the lyrics to this song - it speaks to the heart of the girl I was, oh goodness, 20 some years ago as a pre-teen.  (Okay, okay, a little bit more than 20 - but not much!)  I've debated sharing it because I wonder if anyone else can relate to how a song can speak to a part of you from years past.  Not sure that makes any sense - but there it is.

I would hate for you all to think I've gone off my rocker.  Yeah - no smart comments from some of you (A) - we all know I fell OFF the rocker a long time ago!

ANYWAY.  Let's move this post along.  I'll share the lyrics and then some thoughts with you afterwards.  Read on past the song - especially if this song speaks to you.

Mean - Taylor Swift

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I'm nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded

You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all your ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation

You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them

I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know what you don't know

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game

With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean

All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic and alone in lie

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me 

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

There's so many ways this song speaks to me.  First, although the physical abuse was the lesser of the 3 evils of my childhood, it was still there.  Second - I remember very vividly growing up telling myself, telling him - that who I was then would not be who I would be as a grown up.  I knew, even way back then, that the abuse stopped there and my kids would never experience the life I lived.  I knew one day I would be in a big old city and I would be big enough  - brave enough - strong enough - to not be hit anymore.  I never in my life doubted that. I was as stubborn then as I am now.

Although my Dad wasn't a drunk.  I wish I could say he was, at least as some kind of an excuse for his meanness.  I only saw him drunk once in my life.  He was just mean - without alcohol.  But - I can see him in a bar talking over something, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things - with a big loud opinion and no one's listening.  I can see that as clear as day because he always had a big loud opinion.  (yes, yes, I DO get that from somewhere!)

Someday has arrived.  This is where I just cry.  Someday has arrived.  It has arrived because I serve a God bigger than my past.  I listen to this song, I feel the heart of the 13 year old girl I once was.  I feel her pain, I feel her hoping against all hope that the day will come and things will change.  Now things have - and it sets me to tears so fast.  Someday has arrived.  I serve a mighty God.  My kids have never - and will never - feel the way I felt.  They will never be able to sing this song.  Praise Jesus.  I can't say it enough - someday has arrived - and I am oh so grateful to the God I serve.

Last night as we were driving home from Special Olympics, this song was playing on the radio.  Little man was sitting in the front, me in the back.  It's not often - if ever - I think of my father now and what has become of him and his life.  I'm sorry if this makes me sound ungodly - but I don't much care.  I have forgiven, yes, but honestly - there is still a part of me that hopes he is, in fact, sitting around with no one listening after all he did to my family.  But last night, I thought what a lonely man he must have become.  Lonely, bitter, hopeless - and I felt for him.  I thought of all his actions have caused him to miss out on.  My beautiful children, my amazing rock solid man - me.  And I felt sad for his sadness, his emptiness.  It was his choice, yes - but at the same time - we all make choices in life that leave us in desperate places.  It made me see how far my forgiveness - God's forgiveness - has stretched.  To be able to feel sorry for him - well that's a new step.

Anyway - for all those pre-teens and teens that happened on this blog because you looked up the lyrics - and have actually stuck with reading this to this point - please know this.  There is hope.  This is a future.  There is a plan - a grand purpose for your life so much bigger than you now know.  No matter what has happened or is happening to you - you WILL HAVE your someday.  Hang in there.  Jesus loves you oh so much more than you could ever know. I'm here.  Leave a comment, we'll talk.  Don't give up.  Your someday is coming.

Heartbreaking

Warning - this article is graphic, disgusting, horrifying, guaranteed to make you angry and feel like throwing up.  No, I'm not joking.  I debated posting it.  However, although a horribly difficult read - this is the reason we need tougher laws.  This is what happens when people selfishly give into their own lust and desires.  This is what happens when evil wins and satan smiles.  This is one of the many reasons the world desperately needs Jesus.  My heart grieves for a world so incredibly lost in sin. 

James 1:14 - 15 states :  "but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

This scripture fits the article so well.  Oh how my heart hurts.

Here is the article - again - please know it is graphic and terrible.
Michigan Man accused

Thank you, Judge Joslyn

Here's the article I'm referring to:  Defense Lawyer:  Sex case victim, 14, will forget.

I'd like to slap this defense lawyer upside the head.  Really??  Forget??  Maybe the accused and convicted coach will forget - but - it's highly unlikely - no - impossible - that this 14 year old will ever forget.  I hope this defense lawyer never has to personally deal with someone he loves going through something like this.

Thank you Judge Patrick Joslyn of Caro for standing up for the rights of victims.  Good for you.  It's good to see justice carried out!

Justice

I was glad to see this article on Toledo 11 news about Warren Jeffs.  I thought the article did a nice job of sharing some information but yet not being too sensational about it thus protecting the girls involved a bit.  It's good to know the jury nailed this moron and I hope it scares the daylights out of any other wanna-be psychos.

Anywho - I do have to say this though.  Why is our justice system sooooo inconsistent on how it handles sexual abuse?  Some people get nailed, some people get a slap on the wrist.  Shoot, you can write a bad check and serve more jail time than someone who rapes a child.  (I know some of you might take offense to how I just worded that.  However, that's what it is and sometimes we need to face that harsh reality.  It should make us mad enough to act.)   It doesn't make sense.  I'm all for tougher laws and life sentences.  Actually, I think we should just add one thing to the life sentence - and that would be removal of certain body parts.

Okay, I did not just say that on this blog.  But, I did.  Some things just make me angry - and this would be one of them.

Way to go jury in Texas for standing up for those little girls.  They needed someone to speak for them - and you spoke loud and clear.  I applaud you. 

Where is the justice?

Tonight, I am sad and frustrated. This is not normally something that bothers me. I don't know why it's gotten under my skin tonight - but - it has. Let me explain.

As most of you know, (and if you don't - please read "Beautiful Past"(upper left side under the blog heading) before this post and it will help you understand) - I was a victim of childhood sexual/physically/emotional abuse. It went on from my earliest memories until I turned 18. I am thankful to my Jesus for all He has done in my life. Again - read the Beautiful Past page and you'll have more info.

Anyway. Probably every 6 months or so, I check online on the registry to see where my father is. I haven't seen him since the age of 18 and it's my way of keeping track of him. To make a long story short, about two years ago, I noticed he had was listed as "non-compliant" on the Michigan registry. I was able to locate him in South Bend, IN so I checked the IN registry - and he wasn't registered. He is supposed to register for life.

To make a long story short, I contacted the Michigan State Police and explained the situation. I had an address, and I gave it to them. All I asked is that he remains registered. That way I can at least do my part in protecting other girls. The Michigan State Police then informed me there was some sort of "glitch" in their system and actually he was considered compliant in Michigan. He had moved out of state and technically, was no longer their problem. However, he was NOT compliant in Indiana because he did not register.

Stupidly, I trusted them and left it in their hands. (Sorry, this part makes me bitter). I was informed they would pass on the information to the local police in Indiana and the situation would be handled.  I assumed I would be contacted.  You know what they say about assuming.

Well, guess what? Oh they "handled" it all right. They fixed the "glitch" in their program, listed him as compliant - and, to my knowledge, never contacted the Indiana State Police nor the local police in South Bend. He was out of their state and that's all that mattered to them. It's wrong on so many levels I can't even say.  I was never contacted.

Honestly, I just walked away from it. This is a side of things that can get me pretty worked up. It was botched from the beginning justice wise. I've let go of that honestly - but it still doesn't make it okay. There is very little care for victims - or at least this victim - and it was this way from the start.

Anywho. So. I went on tonight to do my check. Guess what I found out? Now he has been dropped ENTIRELY from all registries. He's still not on Indiana's, not on Michigan's and not on the national registry. This is exactly what I told the police would happen - he would disappear. And he has. Now - the question is - is he dead and no one bothered to tell me? Or is he running free somewhere, not complying with the law, and some other child is being victimized?

It's not right. I'm tired of it. I don't know what I can do to change the laws and to make those in charge care - but I'd like to do whatever that is to make people stand up and take notice. Yeah, I'm ticked off tonight. Those that are supposed to protect - ah nevermind.

That's all. I don't even know if there is anything I could, or should, do about it. It just makes me mad.

-End Rant-

God is waaaaayyy cool!

So today I spent the day with an INCREDIBLE organization called Mending The Soul.  I can not tell you what an amazing day it was.  This afternoon - surrounded by Pastors, Community Leaders, my fellow trouble-makers (just joking) at The Daughter Project and the beautiful Mending The Soul team - wow.  Isn't it great when you KNOW God is in the midst??  Can I get an AMEN???

:)

Seriously my friends - what a day.  I'm so thankful for the time we had with these amazing people.  There's more to it than I can share tonight.  Stayed up all night talking with one of the speakers and I'm a little tired this evening and making coherent thoughts seems to be a problem!!  I'll try to write more in the next couple of days.

Just wanted to say that I love my Jesus.  I love that He places people in our lives that are like-minded.  I love that His timing is always perfect. 

Okay - this is gonna have to wait 'till tomorrow.  I seriously can't think straight I'm so tired.  Love you guys at Mending The Soul.  Thanks for an amazing weekend.  Lots of laughs - you guys kept us in stitches and we felt blessed to get to know you.  I was seriously sad to say goodbye tonight and felt like we had known each other for a lifetime.  Thanks for all you do.

Trip down memory lane

Hmmm.  How to start this post?

The past 2 weeks, I've been taking a "wonderful" trip down memory lane.  You know, not much surprises me about my past.  Yes, there are times I don't remember, memories that are missing.  It's to be expected.  I don't stress over it - a wise counselor once said to me "When God decides you are ready to remember, you will."  I remember enough to have a pretty good grasp about what happened the times I don't remember.

Not sure what started it all honestly but I've spent a few nights waking up with some very specific memories in dreams that I know are more than dreams.  It's been - frustrating.

I know a bit about recovery, about healing, about surviving - about overcoming.  I've spent a lifetime doing it.  There are a few key things that help.

First and foremost - get on your knees.  Take it all to the foot of the cross.  Without that, there is no victory.  Second, walk through, not around, not over - but through.  Grieve, get angry, cry, scream, do whatever you need to do - but don't ignore it, don't pretend it didn't happen, don't pretend it doesn't hurt.  Just walk through it.  The only way to the other side is to walk through.  Third - talk.

I hadn't said anything to Marty.  Sometimes when I think about specifics, I don't want to hurt other people with it.  It's not easy for my husband to hear the details.  He's always willing to listen and would prefer I talk instead of staying silent - but sometimes I don't want to hurt him with my hurt - so I keep it to myself.  Plus, to talk specifics is not easy.  I was keeping it all to myself - but it was making me cranky, short tempered and irritated.

I counsel people all the time and this is the main thing I share.  Take the power away from the memory by giving it a voice.  I don't know what it is about that - but the moment I finally opened my mouth after almost 19 years of silence and gave a voice to all that was stuffed inside - I began to heal.  I forgot that for a moment so today, I shared what was on my heart with my husband.  It made him cry, which makes me sad - but if it didn't make him cry, well then he would be a jerk, wouldn't he??

Anywho - I don't enjoy these times where my past wraps it's arms around my heart and drags me down.  Yet, I'm so thankful that Jesus has given me the tools to be able to deal with it and move forward in my life.  I'm thankful for a husband who is always willing to listen, who is always patient with me and who understands the times when I become a little distant.  If not for him, I would never be where I am today.

I have a feeling tonight I will get a good nights sleep.  Thanking Jesus for the amazing man of God He has given me - and for the healing power of Jesus Christ.

FYI

Another heart wrenching story.  My heart breaks as I read this.  Remember - it doesn't just happen in Africa, in India or Cambodia - this stuff goes on right in our backyard too.  Don't ignore it or turn your heart (I meant to type head - but heart is fitting as well) because it's just too difficult to face.  Get involved, do something - but don't do nothing.

Click HERE to read the story.

Why?

Today, the day before I celebrate my 19th wedding anniversary to the best man in the ENTIRE planet (sorry ladies, he's all mine!) - we'll cover a tough subject.  Tomorrow will be for celebration - today - we'll hit a hard one.

Last night, I was struggling with a memory.  It's "funny" how things can pop up out of no where, even after years and years of dealing with it.  I'm blessed in that the memories don't bother me the way they do others who have survived a similar past to mine.  God has given me strength, courage and boldness to face all that head on.  I can honestly say months and months go by and I don't think about my past all that much.  But, sometimes, there are nights like last night that things must be faced.

I don't know what it was.  The sound of the fan, the hot night.  I have a reoccurring memory.  I don't know all of it, I just know I feel a terrible, overwhelming fear.  I've never been able to put a finger on this memory.  It's dark, I'm in a room at my Grandmother's house in New York.  There is a fan running, I think in the window.  The room is small and I'm laying on a single bed with navy blue sheets.  I am afraid and alone.  The dark seems overwhelming - which is unusual since she lived on a busy street in the middle of the city.  There is a squishy, white plastic Pillsbury dough boy doll like thing sitting on the dresser directly across from the bed. I know it squeaks.   I'm pretty focused on that, which tells me something else was probably going on.  I have no idea how old I am.  Like I said, I'm terrified.

Anyway - sometimes on hot nights when I hear the sound of a fan, this memory haunts me.  For some reason, it bothers me more than most - even though considering memories in my life - this one doesn't have any particular thing happening at least that I can recall.  The fear though - that I remember.  It sticks to me like the hot night, clinging to my pores, soaking me, drenching me in terror.  Some nights, like last night, I can still feel the fear.

Nights like last night, I have to pray.  I used to pray that I would remember whatever it was about it that haunted me so.  Now, I just pray for peace and if God thinks I need to remember all of it, He'll let me know.  I know now that I am safe, laying next to my husband and nothing is going to hurt me - but the little girl still feels the fear.

Sometimes it's hard not to ask God why.  Why me?  Why anyone?  Why does God allow terrible things to happen to little girls?  Why does He not step in?  Why does He not rescue?  Where is He?

Are these questions I ask?  Yes.  They are questions I will ask when I get to heaven.  I don't know why.  I don't have an answer.  I wish I did.  Oh, I have the pat answer - the one that says that sin happened, and my fathers sin wrapped it's arms around me.  Like a ripple effect when you throw a stone in a pond.  That's true - but still - God could have stopped it.

Maybe the question is wrong.  Maybe I should ask not why, but why not?  Jesus suffered.  No, not in this way - but He suffered greatly.  He was abused and did nothing wrong.  He was beaten and did nothing to deserve it.  The word says we will take part in His sufferings.  My past - is sometimes my cross to bear. 

I know this.  Despite everything that happened to me - I sure do love my Savior.  He stepped in and He rescued in His time.  He gave me strength to endure things that most people would have snapped under.  He saved my life - over, and over, and over again.  He has a greater purpose for me than my past.  Of that, I am convinced.

I don't know why.  I don't know why this particular memory comes back to haunt me at times.  I don't know what's behind it - but I don't need to know.  I know I now rest in my Savior's arms and don't fear the night any longer. 

Psalm 91: 5-10:  You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge-- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

On Forgiveness

Saw this status update on a friend's facebook (Thanks D), who stole it from another friend (Thanks different D) and I thought it was worthy of a post.  It goes like this:

"Forgiveness is not a feeling; it's not forgetting; it's not pretending you weren't hurt; it's not trusting the person again; it's not even reconciliation. Forgiveness is a DECISION you make to obey God." ~ Elaine Olson, Christian Counselor

That, my friends, is precisely what I've told people for years.  Let me explain.

I've had to do just a teensy tiny bit of forgiving in my 40 years.  Honestly - probably more than most.  "Funny" side note here - I actually found it EASIER to forgive my father than I have to forgive others - which makes absolutely no sense at all - but it is true.  Maybe because I no longer have contact with my father, verses seeing "others" regularly.  I digress.

Anywho - I totally agree with Elaine.  It isn't a feeling.  Well - wait - there ARE feelings attached - and generally speaking - a wide range of feelings - and most - not good.  But the point is, you don't have to "feel" forgiveness - you just have to do it.  

Secondly - I've heard it said by more people than I care to count that if you would just "forget" the past and move forward and "forgive"  (aka - pretend you are not/were not hurt) - then all is well.  That, my friends, is a lie.  You can't forget.  If you get that twinge in your stomach feeling when you think about whatever forgiveness means to you - well then - you can not just pretend and move on.  It's just not how it works.  Forgetting is not possible.  Forgiving - entirely - forgetting - never.  I WISH I could forget things - because then forgiving would be a whole lot easier.

Let's move along because I'm not sure that last paragraph made any sense at all.  Trusting people again.  Sometimes, yes - sometimes  - no.  Actually - I would consider it UNWISE to just trust people again.  I have a song from the 80's running through my head "once bitten, twice shy" which I am quite sure is NOT good - but I can't get that phrase out of my head in regards to this.  In relationship to my past - I can't trust my father again.  He has never apologized, he doesn't even see that he did anything wrong - to just drop my kids off at his place would be - for lack of better terms - just plain stupid.  If the other person is genuine and changes - well maybe trust is something we can work on in the long term - but that all depends on the circumstances.  The point is, just because you don't trust someone does not mean you can't forgive them.

Which leads to reconciliation.  Again.  In my situation - not happening.  In some situations, this can happen - but the point is - sometimes it's just not possible - and that does not mean you haven't forgiven.

Obedience.  That's what forgiveness is about.  I look at it like this.  I have a choice to make.  I can live in bitterness, anger, hurt - and let that be a chain around my neck holding me back from all God has for me.  Or, I can choose to obey God, forgive - and live in the freedom He has for me.  Personally, I find freedom a whole lot better than chains.  What about you?

So anywho, M(r)s. Olson counselor person - I couldn't agree with you more.  Well said!

 

Messenger of Hope

I had another post scheduled for today - but this morning, during my devotional time while I was praying for the girls The Daughter Project will soon have, God reminded me of something and I felt someone out there needed to hear this post instead.

Jeremiah 29:11 states:  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In approximately 1982/83, I was in jr. high.  I attended a church camp.  I remember very little about this camp - but first you need some background.  For those of you who have not read my testimony - please go up and read "Beautiful Past".  As you will read, I am a survivor of child sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.  In 1982, things were not good.  To get away for a week was a blessing - something that didn't happen very often.  Rape was a part of my daily life at that point in time.  I was suicidal, scared, desperate, and very much alone.

One day at camp, I found myself in an area where there was a picnic table/pavilion like thing.  I have no idea what I was doing there.  I know it was shortly after a service - but I was alone.  I believe I was debating telling someone what was happening in my life.  As I sat there and the sun was setting - out of nowhere, stood a man.  He wasn't there before and he was gone before I knew it.  I had not seen him prior to this, and I never saw him again.  I was not afraid - which would, at that time, have been my response if a strange man appeared and I was alone.  This man looked at me and said a few things.  He told me God loved me.  He told me God had not forgotten me.  He told me God had a plan and a purpose for my life.  He told me I had a future.  Then he was gone.

I now know his words came from Jeremiah 29:11.  Those words this "man" spoke to me were what I clung to for the next 7 years before my father was finally arrested and I began to heal.  He was my messenger of hope. 

Maybe there is someone out there right now who can't see past the next 5 minutes, let alone a bright future.  Maybe someone out there is alone, afraid, and can't even begin to fathom a God who loves them in the middle of their circumstances.  Maybe it seems there is no hope.  Maybe you are desperate for rescue.  Maybe you say "well that's good for you, but that's never going to happen to me."  I would have said the same thing.
 
Do you know how much Jesus loves you?  Even though my rescue did not come for several years - those words gave me something to cling to in my desperate times.  I ask you to do the same - cling to the promise God gives you of hope, of a bright future.  He WILL prosper you.  He DOES have plans for your life beyond the pain you are feeling right now.  Don't let anyone tell you different.  Cling desperately to Jesus in heaven who WILL be your rescue.  It doesn't matter where you come from, what your going through - Jesus loves you.

This morning, God gave me another picture.  He showed me the moment He had enough of my father and the terror he inflicted on me.  The moment he commanded his angels to GO.  The moment He decided I was to be set free.  That moment is coming for you as well.  I couldn't see it, and neither can you - but it IS coming.  God sees your tears.  He hears your desperate cries for help.  You are not forgotten.  I don't know you and you don't know me - but I do know the God I serve loves you desperately.  He hears you, He sees you, He is in the business of pulling us out of the pit of hell.  He's going to do that for you too.  He loves you far more than you can know or understand in this moment.  Please know that.

I don't know who this post is to - but I know I was supposed to write it.  I am praying for you, dear friend.  Hold on.  Your rescuer is coming.

FYI

More thoughts on this article later.  Really?  An sex trade island?  Sure, lets just isolate it a little more so there's even less of a chance of escape for those girls.  Grrrrr.  And to think this guy is in office - THAT needs to change.  Would love to hear from my Canadian readers on their thoughts on this one!

Book Review - Words

It's been a long time since I've read a book which has so grabbed my attention that falling asleep before getting to the end is not possible.  This book - was the book.  Words is a fiction story written by Ginny L. Yttrup about a little girl who is being horribly abused.  Her Mom abandons her and she hangs onto hope that her Mom "has amnesia" and will return soon to rescue her.  She doesn't leave, afraid of what he will do to her - and even more afraid the day she chooses to leave, will be the day her Mom comes back for her.

I was not surprised at the end of the book to read the author's comments and find she shared a similar life story to the little girl in the book.  There are some things you can not write about that accurately without having walked the road.  Was it a difficult read for me?  Yes - I could feel the little girls pain, hear her heart's cry.  I understood her words, and I understood her silence (read the book).

Yet, at the same time, the story of Sierra - the young woman who comes across the little girl in the woods, is also the story of who I choose to be now.  Someone who does not turn a blind eye to abuse, someone unafraid to walk into the middle of it and be the Jesus little girls need to see.  Someone who cares enough to hurt, to cry, to do whatever it takes to bring freedom to little girls enslaved by men (and women) who use them for their own sexual and monetary gain.  I do not say these things to lift myself up - but merely to share with you the passion in my heart for little girls like Kaylee - in desperate need of someone to make them feel safe.  In desperate need of a chain-breaking, freedom- granting, shame-lifting God who loves them far more than they know.

I encourage you to read this book.  It may be fiction - but it is truth.  The feelings Kaylee experiences, the abuse she suffers - ring true for all sexually abused and used girls.  If you have a heart for girls like Kaylee, you know a Kaylee (and all of us do whether we realize it or not), or you are a Kaylee - read the book.

Kudos to the author for speaking the truth,  sharing her heart & story and being unafraid of addressing this issue.  I pray it shines a light in a very dark place for someone out there and leads them to Jesus.

FYI

Stories like this - both break my heart and make me angry. Jesus be with your children today!  Protect them- wipe their tears - show them your love the way it was meant to be!  Equally grateful for justice - because a lot of kids don't get to see their perpetrator given consequences for their crimes.  It's happening everywhere people - someone YOU know has been or is being abused.  It's time to say enough - to speak up - to protect those who can not protect themselves.  May we all be willing to take a stand!

Click here for article:  Leipsic, OH man charged for 3 decades of sex crimes against kids

Sex offenders in church?

I came across this article today.  This has always been a difficult topic for me - so bear with me while I work some things out.

I know there are sex offenders in our churches today.  Some have been caught - most have not.  Statistics show that 1 out of 5 girls and 1 out of 10 boys are sexually abused.  That statistic is both inside and outside of the church.  It's deceptive because most sexual abuse is not reported - so realistically speaking, the statistic is higher than that.

Obviously I'm going to be overly sensitive.  You can't have a childhood like mine and not, at least at some point, think that sex offenders don't belong in church and in fact, deserve to burn in hell.  Sorry - maybe that sounds harsh - but it's something you have to work through.  At one time in my life, I would have told you the last place a sex offender belonged was in church.  I would have told you they didn't deserve the grace and mercy Jesus offers us and heaven was not a place they belonged.  I guess I thought I was God :)

I have changed my viewpoint - but it's still a touchy subject.  Church is my safe place.  It's my kids safe place.  To think I could be sitting anywhere near a sex offender makes me want to hurl or hurl something.  Church is where I let down my guard - be myself.  It is a place where my walls are not built as high as in other parts of my life.  It's a place where I feel I should be able to trust those around me to have my best interests and the best interests of my family at heart.

Yet - at the same time - I have to admit something else.  I am no better than a sex offender.  That's right - you heard me correctly.  I'm a firm believer in the verse in the bible where it says if you harm a child, it's better to tie a rock around your neck and throw yourself as fast and as far as possible into the deepest, coldest, darkest, shark infested waters you can find.  Okay, okay - that's not exactly what it says :-)  But it does imply that Jesus does not take too kindly to people who harm children - and in that - I find great comfort.

Having said that - I also understand a greater truth.  Most sex offenders - were victims at one time in their lives.  All sex offenders are devil driven and demon possessed.  No, I have no biblical backing for that statement - but I believe in order to  do something so horrific to a child - you've got to be one messed up soul.  The devil takes great delight in harming children.  The only way a sex offender is going to change  is by the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  A true transformation - not just words to get themselves out of prison or whatever - but a sincere gut wrenching change because of a relationship with Jesus Christ.  A complete and total turn around - a 180 in another direction.

So - back to the original statement.  Sex offenders in church.  Read the article - I believe it has a lot of truth to it.  I still don't know entirely how I feel about this.  On one hand, I feel they need to be in church more than most of us - and on the other - I have to admit - it's a tough pill for me to swallow.  Real tough.  All I know is I'm glad I'm not a Pastor in a position to have to make this decision.  The responsibility to protect the flock, the children - is great.  The last thing a church needs is to have something horrific happen especially knowing a sex offender was in attendance.

Like I said though in the beginning-  the reality is - even if we don't have any "known" offenders in our church - our churches still have offenders.  It is always our responsibility as parents to be aware, to follow our gut instincts, and to check up/check in on our children.  Be wise, be smart and talk to your kids.  If they ever tell you someone touched them or made them uncomfortable - listen - and respond.  Don't ignore, don't blow it off, don't wait for another day - listen - believe - and act.  In or out of the church.

How do you feel about this?