Parenting Etiquette for Facebook

This is a post a long time coming.

I am a parent of 1 young adult and 1 teen.  Until my oldest went to college, we knew her password for Facebook.  In fact, I probably still know it.  Same for the youngest who is almost 16.  I monitor their Facebook accounts - more for the younger than the older now - but monitored the oldest as well when she was at home.

We have some rules.  First and foremost - family issues - stay in the family.  Never.  Ever get on Facebook and talk bad about us as parents.  That's a fast way to get yourself kicked off Facebook permanently.  Neither of my kids have ever done that to my knowledge.

But more than that - we do the same for our kids.

Here's the deal.

Don't talk bad about your teens on Facebook.  Don't try to publicly humiliate them.  Don't air your gripes and complaints about your teens for the world to see.  Don't share what they've done wrong.  Don't talk about how much they annoy you. Don't involve other people on Facebook and try to get other people on your side when your teens are mad at you.  Just don't do it.  If you see someone else doing it - don't get involved.  Don't say a word.  If you expect your kids not to talk about YOU on Facebook - well then - don't talk about them.  Keep family matters private.

Just once, and only once, I made the mistake of making a remark about one of my kids on Facebook.  It was on a comment and it really wasn't that big of a deal - and I didn't think they would see it - but my child saw it.  The look in their eyes told me I had crossed the line.  I unintentionally embarrassed them and hurt their feelings all at the same time.  Said child, in turn, removed me from their Facebook account - which was quickly remedied because that's not going to happen.  However - I gave them some grace - because I was to blame.

When my kids do something on Facebook I don't like - comments or updates - or whatever - because I'm monitoring - I catch it quickly.  I talk to them face to face and not over the computer.  Honestly I think maybe once with both of my kids have I even had to have a conversation because the expectations were set ahead of time.  I don't post something on their status as a snotty reply.  I don't make videos of shooting up their computers like a recent thing I saw that everyone thinks is hilarious.  That's a good way to cause permanent damage to your relationship.

Once when I was a teenager we were visiting my Aunt. This was pre-Facebook - pre-Internet days.  It was late at night and I overheard my parents - and especially my Dad - telling my Aunt what a horrible teenager I was.  Of course, in my situation, I wanted to run out there and tell my Aunt what my father had been doing to me my whole life - but beyond that - I was crushed.  Devastated that my father was out there telling my Aunt all these bad things about me.  It hurt and hurt a lot.  It's no different now with Facebook.  There is just no need to tell the world how awful your teenager is.  We all know how teenagers are.  If you need to talk, find a trusted friend and call them or privately message them when your kid is not around.  There is nothing wrong with seeking advice - but to put it out there for everyone - unfair.

Anyway.  That's my 2 cents.  It breaks my heart to see so many parents who feel it is okay to talk bad about their teenagers or someone elses teenagers on Facebook.  It's not the way things should be handled.

Shout Out!

Yep, this is post numero three today!  Sick and sitting at the computer, can you tell??

Anywho - quick shout out here to another amazing blogger - my daughter :)  If you don't follow her, you should.  She's a good writer and she's beautiful and amazing and smart and talented and loves Jesus and.. and a lot of things.  She makes us so very proud.  If you'd like to hop over and check out her blog, I know you will be blessed by it.  Here you go:

MI to MN:  A journey of watching dreams come true

Driven to Distraction

Have you ever picked up a book (besides the bible!) that has changed your life??  That happened to me last weekend.

I picked up this book - Driven to Distraction.  We have been waiting on the Sleep Study results from the study Jon had done back at the beginning of October. Little man has also been diagnosed with ADHD.  Today I had an appointment with the Dr. to go over all the test results and decide where to proceed from here.

Anyway - this past Friday - I picked up this book - and devoured it all weekend long.  Finally - answers.  For so long, I've thought ADD was merely just a hyperactive kid or a kid who bounces off the walls.  I never realized ADD is a biological problem - a problem with the functioning of the brain - and one that causes far more than a bit of hyperactivity here and there.  I had no idea all that ADD encompasses - and reading this book opened up my eyes to a lot of things.  It's NOT something slapped on "bad" kids who's parents can't control them.  That's not it at all.  It was a relief - to see so many things our kid struggles with - all actually have to do with this one diagnosis.  I'm NOT a bad parent, I haven't screwed up or messed up my kid - and best of all - my kid is not screwed up either.  He has a biological condition.

Like I said - several things I didn't realize were part of the ADD.  The fact that he responds so well to structure.  He's never been a kid who does well with change.  Vacations?  A nightmare.  Change the schedule without a lot of warning?  That has never gone over well in our house.  I learned from this book that transitions - even small transitions like waking up and going to sleep - are really hard for the child with ADD.  Who knew???  Oh the fights I could have prevented just by understanding this small thing!!

ADD kids have several physical issues - most of which little man has had.  Chronic ear infections as a child, asthma, allergies, sleep disturbances - all things we have struggled with.

Of course you have the typical lack of focus, concentration, impassivity, etc.

Physical activity is great for kids with ADD which explains why the best semester little man has had in school was the one in which he played two sports - something we had never before allowed in our home.

There is more but I don't have the book in front of me.  If you suspect your child has ADD - I highly recommend this book.  It left me in tears a lot of the time.  Also left me feeling guilty that I allowed stupid thinking to get in the way of a diagnosis that could have saved my son a whole lot of struggle a lot sooner.

Read it - you won't regret it.

All I can be is....me

Today I was on Facebook and saw pictures from another lady I know who is one terrific Mom.  It appears she had some kind of dinner party for her kids at her house, invited all their friends, rented a tent and cooked a great meal.  The kids were all dressed up. 

Can I be honest?  (Sorry friend - I love you!)  My first reaction?  Jealousy.  Jealous that I hadn't thought of it, jealous I don't have the money for it, jealous she has the ability to do things I can't do as a Mom. I sat and compared all I am not - to all she is.  Let me set the record straight - she's a good friend and she truly is an awesome Mom.  This is NOT to rip on her - but rather, to point something out for all of us.

As I sat and degraded myself in my head, and thought of a few other Moms who I feel out-do me as a Mom, something began to dawn on me.

All I can be ..... is me.

Why is it we can spend soooo much time thinking of our faults - but never think of our strengths?  Why is it so easy to see the negative, and not the positive?  Why, when people compliment us on a job well done, do we run down a list of our screw-ups?  I know this is something I struggle with!

So - on that note - I'm going to do something different.  Instead of think of all the negatives - I'm going to point out some positives.  Some things I do well, and right.  If you know me - you know - this is hard for me.  I don't brag, I rarely say anything positive about myself - but - that needs to change because although I am far from the perfect Mom - I do the best job I possibly can.  So, here goes.

1.  I had nothing - no background on good parenting.  I grew up in a nightmare of a home.  Yet - I stopped the nightmare. Through and in Jesus Christ, I broke the generational curse.  If I have done nothing else right as a parent - this I have done oh so right and my kids - know it or not - are blessed for it.

2.  I am fiercely protective and fiercely loyal.  No one.  No one.  No one.  Messes with my kids.  No one.  I do not have a flight mode.  I only have a stand and fight mode.  My kids tease me about it - but one day - they will appreciate this in me and Lord willing, will be the same for their kids.

Break here - okay.  So now I find myself in tears.  I can't explain it - but writing this - is hard.  For every positive, I think of a thousand negatives.  I need to work on this.  Moving along now.

3.  With Marty, we have taught them to love the world.  To love people.  To see people for what is on the inside instead of judging the outside.  We have done this consciously and we are now beginning to see the fruits of our labor.  Our kids are missions oriented,  have gentle spirits and kind hearts because we have taught them that.  We have done well.

4.  I love them with everything I am.  I hope they know this.  No one loves my babies (except Marty) more than I do.  I might not always be good at showing it, and sometimes not so good at saying it - but boy do I love them.  My entire life goal growing up was to be their Mom.  Nothing could make me happier.  I never wanted a career - I just wanted kids. 

5.  I take good care of them. I cook, clean, do everything for them.  Honestly, to a fault.  But we're not going to talk about faults here - we're only going to talk about good.  I do everything for my kids and do it to the best of my ability.

Okay - that's good for now.  Please don't leave me a slew of compliments 'cause then I'm going to feel all weird and awkward - lol. 

I might not be a dinner party thrower.  I might not be the social queen bee Mom involved in everything in the community (that's not a slam on anyone really!!).  I might not be part of the PTA or the brownie troop leader.  I might not be a size 6 and a beauty queen Mom - but I am the best me I can be.

What about you?  Share some things with us you feel you've done RIGHT :)  I would love to hear from you.

P.O.T.

I figured that title would get your attention :)

I'll let you sit and "chew" on it a while and see if you can figure out what it means before the end of this post.

This weekend was not one of my best "mothering" weekends.  Lost my cool, said stupid things, got incredibly inpatient and fed up.  Can I be honest?  PMS is NOT my friend once a month and when that hits at the same time as a moody teenager - well - the results are never good.

I love my kids - more than anything.  Wouldn't trade them for the world.

But this teenage/college thing?  It's for the birds.  Gone is my son who used to cuddle with me every chance he gets.  Gone is my little girl who wants to play dress up.  Left is tough decisions, kids who pull away.  Sometimes the ungratefulness can bring me to my knees - quite literally.  I feel so unappreciated most days.  So much like all I'm good for is to make the food, keep the clothes clean and drive them wherever they want to go.  I really miss the days where my word was not questioned and where Mommy was the queen of everything.  It could easily leave me not wanting to get out from under the covers most days.  And I have good kids.  I can't even imagine what it would be like to be the parent of a child hooked on drugs, drinking or sex.  I don't think my heart could stand it.

I know in my head this is merely a stage - but I also know things will never go back to what they once where.  If they did - well then, I didn't do my job.  We raise them so one day they can leave.  I just didn't realize it would be so hard and hurt so much.

When our kids are little, we have MOPS.  Mothers of Preschoolers.  If only I had realized then THAT was NOT the hard days!!  Well - wait - it was hard in a different way.  Preschoolers are exhausting, demanding and you get NO "me" time.  You have to do everything for them. 

Now, when I feel I need a support system the most - we have nothing.  Nothing like MOPS.  I think there are several reasons for this.  Most of us have gone back to work and with running kids everywhere - our time is seriously already strained.  But secondly - I think we all get private.  We don't want to admit the struggles our kids have.  We want to appear to be the "perfect" parent.  We judge each other.  We breathe a sigh of relief when someone else's kids screw up instead of ours.  I think we avoid people as if their kids problems are some kind of plague our kids could catch.  We certainly don't come together, cry on each others shoulders, pray and support each other without judgement.

So.  P.O.T.  - can you guess?

Parents of Teenagers.  I think we should start something.  I seriously do.  I need you and I know others who need it.  Even if it's once a month.  I'm willing to offer up my house.  Does anyone else think this is a good idea?  Would anyone else want to join us?  NOT to talk about how terrible our kids our - but to encourage each other, remind each other that it's not always our faults, be truthful and honest with each other when it is, and to get on our knees and pray that our kids - and us - get through this unscathed and fully committed to Jesus.

Anyone?  (Oh - and we don't really need to call it P.O.T. - lol!)

Dance with the devil

Be happy, you didn't get this post last year.

But - this year - you are getting the post :)

October is upon us.  My least favorite holiday, Halloween, is fast approaching (stick with me people, stick with me).  I don't watch tv hardly ever anymore so I can't comment on how downhill the programming has gone this month ;)  Lucky you!!

No, actually, this post is not going to be a slam on Halloween - well - depending on your perspective.  But - I'm going to do something I don't think I've done here before and that's to share my personal reasons for disliking Halloween as much as I do.  I'll spare you the history lesson as to why I think that as Christians, we should steer clear of the Halloween madness and just share with you why I've made the decision not to celebrate Halloween.

I'm trying, I'm really trying people!!

When I was growing up, my Dad thought the Ouija board was "fun".  He also enjoyed horror flicks and we watched them a lot - The Shining, The Exorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street - you name it, I think I probably saw it.  We did the whole Halloween thing.  My father found it "amusing" to scare us at every possible turn.  I became afraid of "things that go bump in the night."  I would try to use my mind to move things.  I remember being afraid of shadows.  I remember feeling like the door would close, like a chair would be on top of the table none of us had put there (quite sure that was in one of the movies).  I had horrific nightmares of satanic rituals that I still, to this day, remember with great clarity.  At times, I could literally feel an evil presence in the room.  Call me crazy - but this is my experience.

I don't remember after I left home at what point I decided to stop watching horror flicks once it became my choice.  The Ouija board was freaky so I never touched that thing - yet I was still drawn.  Eerily drawn to things like that - horoscopes (yes, I went there), future telling, I don't know - it just had a pull on me I can't explain.  It terrified me - and it pulled me.

Well into my marriage, I was afraid - especially at night.  I would wake up crying, shaking, and sometimes screaming from the nightmares.  I could feel evil - sense it.  When Marty and I were dating, I specifically remember an incident of swearing someone was in the room with me when we were staying at his parents house.  At some point in the night, I woke up with "something" (aka demon) in my face.  I was not asleep - I was awake - held down, choking with fear.  I remember finally sprinting to Marty's room to wake him up.  It was real and I was not delusional.

We celebrated Halloween when the kids were little.  I didn't see anything wrong with it.  I thought as long as I didn't dress my kids up like the devil, a ghost, or something evil and scary - then I was in the clear.  No big deal, it's all in fun.  No one is going to hell over it, right?  It's not like we're worshipping satan or anything. (oh how rich I would be if I could collect on every time someone throws that in my face)  There's nothing in the bible about it, is there? 

Okay, back to my personal reflection.  Yes - there IS something in the bible about it - but for now, we'll move along.

I remember when Elyse was just a baby - maybe 3 - we went to visit some friends.  He was from England - and in England - if I remember correctly - Christians don't celebrate Halloween (hmm, I'm not alone).  I thought he was crazy.  He was gracious about it - said the kids were adorable and all that - but it was a seed planted.  Then, we moved here and another friend shared with me they didn't celebrate Halloween either.  At this point, I began to research and what I learned astounded me.

Finally, after much deliberation, Marty and I decided we were no longer celebrating Halloween.  It was not a popular decision.

The change was dramatic and fast.  Suddenly, I stop being afraid of the night.  I began to learn how to shut the devil out of my sleep.  The bible says God/Jesus will give us rest - and He does.  I learned how to quote scripture in my dreams.  I prayed over our home.  Within 6 months, the nightmares stopped, I stopped waking up to demons in my face and the paralyzing crushing fear was over.

I still sense evil.  I still know when Satan is about to mess with me.  This past year, I was staying somewhere and literally saw something walk across the room that wasn't there.  I knew what was going on.  So did the dog - strangely enough - she went balistic.  Well - when satan messes with me now, it ticks me off - so I  prayed.  Out loud.   Quoted scripture.  This went on for 2 nights - and finally on the third, no more.  I don't mess around and I am not afraid.  I wouldn't say it's "enjoyable" - but I'm not afraid.

Call me crazy people - but if you believe in Jesus - then you have to believe there is a satan.  If you believe in Heaven - then you have to believe there is a Hell.

Now I'll be straight up with you.

Don't dance with the devil.  How do we do this?  Let me lay it out for you.

1.  We watch horror flicks - filling our minds with evil.
2.  We get our palms read, play with tarot cards - the bible is very clear - steer clear.
3.  We read our horoscope.  Only God knows the future.
4.  We play with Ouija boards.  Dance with the devil.
5.  And now I'm going to say it - we celebrate Halloween.  We give satan glory by giving celebration to the day created by him and for him.  We offer up our birthday cakes, sing our songs, while satan blows out our candles - our light that is supposed to shine bright in the darkness. 

I know this post will not make me popular.  Plenty of people disagree.  I've heard it all.  I'll lose followers over this post and probably friends.  I know some very close people who will shake their heads at me or say "well that's fine for you but it doesn't apply to everyone"  or "well we don't mean anything by it - it's just all in good fun!" I can't convince you - only you can take it to the Lord but I will say this.

Satan is not welcome in my home.  My kids don't have gory nightmares because we don't dance with the devil.  My kids aren't tempted by horoscopes or Ouija boards because we don't dance with the devil.  Sleep, in our home, is free of fear - because we don't dance with the devil.  My kids know the rock on which they stand.  They know the power of scripture.  They know the KING that reigns - because we don't dance with the devil.

I would encourage you - highly and strongly encourage you - to put this one to prayer.  I would encourage you to do some research on Halloween - it's history, it's intent.  I believe satan gets a great laugh on this day.

One more thing and then I'll go.  Please don't leave me stupid comments asking me if I celebrate Christmas or if my kids believe in Santa.  I've heard that too.  I'm not going to explain all that here or anywhere.  Read, research - pray.  Then come back to me and we can talk.  I believe once you do those things, you will have a greater appreciation of where I'm coming from - and maybe - if I can say it - maybe you'll change your mind too.

Thanks for sticking with me.  I would apologize for offending - but this one is too serious for me to do that.  I've danced with the devil people - and satan is not a very good partner.

Teach Our Daughters

 

I found this on a friends status on Facebook.  I love it, and I agree.  Couldn't have said it better myself.  In case you can't read it - I wrote it out below.  Thank you to my husband for being the man who has taught our daughter these things.

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between:

a man who flatters her

and a man who compliments her.

a man who spends money on her

and a man who invests in her.

a man who views her as property

and a man who views her properly.

a man who lusts after her

and a man who loves her.

a man who believes he's a gift to women,

and a man who believes she's a gift to him.

And then we need to teach our sons

to be that kind of man.

Why you should send your kid on a missions trip

Our daughter began taking missions trips at the age of 14.  Out of country.  I hear this statement a lot:  " I would NEVER let my kid do that!  How did you do it??"

When Elyse came home telling us God had told her to take a missions trip out of country - my response was this:  "Well - must be nice - but God didn't tell me that."  Then my wise husband said "don't you think we ought to at least PRAY about it honey?"  Hmm.  Really honey?  PRAY about a MISSIONS trip? What a foreign concept ;)

Most of you have heard the story of how it came to be - but since that time, Elyse has been to 8 countries.  She has been on trips for as short as a week and as long as 2 months.  She can handle airport security and border crossings better than I can.  She is now at North Central University studying to become a full time missionary.

The biggest potential mistake I could have made as a parent boils down to that one decision.  I kid you not.  Telling her no could have changed the course of her life.  My fear could have prevented my daughter, at least for a time, from becoming all God called her to be.

When we were contemplating sending our 14 year old daughter half way around the world, a wise friend said this to me:

I will never stand in the way of what God wants to do in the lives of my children.

I have never forgotten those words.  It was those words that held me together when I dropped my daughter off at the airport, sent her to Dallas, TX for training, helped me as the people who were supposed to pick her up at the airport didn't show and I was 1500 miles away, watched the plane tracker track her flight across oceans, time zones, continents.  It was those words that kept me strong when she came to me time and time again and said "now God is telling me to go here or there".  It was those words that bounced off the back of my brain when she informed me God was calling her to full time missions in a place you can't legally be a missionary.  It will be those words that I cling to the day her dreams come true and she lands on the foreign soil she's been preparing for since the age of 14.

Now it's time for number 2 to begin his missionary journey.  Next summer, he'll head to Guatemala with us and Lord willing, if the youth group goes, to Haiti.  I don't know where God will take him from there - but I know sending our children on missions trips has been the best decision we could have made in our lives.

There are many reasons to send your kid on a missions trip - let me just give you a few.

First, and most importantly, in Mark 16:15, Jesus tells his disciples (msg) "Go into the world.  Go everywhere and announce the message of God's good news to one and all."  Don't you like to hear good news?  Isn't good news the best?  Jesus tells us - not just people over 20 or over 30 or whatever - but he tells ALL of us - young and old - to GO.  Go and tell.  Go into ALL the world - EVERYWHERE.  We let them go - because Jesus commanded it.  Plain and simple. 

Second - it breaks their heart.  Maybe this sounds like a BAD reason and not a good one - yet - sometimes when our hearts are broken, we are the most pliable in God's hands.  There is something almost magical (not magical - don't jump all over me!) about missions trips.  Something about going and doing what God has commanded - stepping out in faith - that opens us up to God even more.  Something about going and being used by Him that draws us closer to His feet.  Isn't that what you want for your child?  To sit longer, gaze harder, into the eyes of Jesus?

Third - it gives them a broader perspective.  It opens their eyes to all of God's creation.  It teaches them how to eat foods they would have otherwise turned their nose up to.  It helps them to learn to trust in God for finances to go.  It shows them how to love all people regardless of race, color or creed.  It gets them out of the box of their local environment.  Again - everyone needs to hear the gospel - maybe YOUR child is the one God has called to give it to someone.  Have you thought about that?  That God has prepared your child to be the one to give the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ?  That maybe your child is the perfect one, with the perfect words, to open someones eyes to all Jesus has done for them?  Your child is called!  Let them go and preach the good news!

Fourth - it makes them thankful.  Thankful for their beds, thankful for the food on their table, thankful for their parents, thankful for their countries.  Thankful.  Lord knows we can all use a more thankful kid!! 

Finally - you never know what God is doing in their lives, in their hearts - for their futures.  You never know what sending your child on a missions trip will do.  Maybe, like Elyse, they will want to pursue a life as a full time missionary.  Maybe they see the need for shelter for people in a foreign country and go on to become carpenters that go and build homes.  Maybe they see how education could help keep people from poverty so they become a teacher.  Maybe they fall in love with an orphan and go open an orphanage or adopt a child here in America.  Maybe they see a need and will grow up with the financial means to give.  You don't know - but God does.  Don't block that for them - allow them to go.

I know this has been a long one and thank you for listening.  If your child ever comes and asks you to go - send them.  Yes, of course, check and check well into the organization they are going with.  And yes - it was very hard - very, very hard.  It's not easy raising the money, it's not easy putting them on the plane, it's not fun to worry.  You'll cry - a lot.  Yet - it's not about you - it's about what God wants to do in and through your child.  Don't let your fear stand in the way of what God has for them.

Dumb Question?

They say that the only dumb question is the one not asked, right?  Well, today - I may have just found the one.

I subscribe to a parenting site.  About once a week, I receive an e-mail that recaps the highlighted questions of the week.  In all honesty, I didn't go farther than the e-mail so all I saw was the question.  But, that question alone is leading to this blog post.  Watch out folks, as Marty likes to call it, your about to see my "passion".  :)

Here's the question.  Are you ready for this?  Are you SURE your ready for this?  I don't think you are, but here it goes anyway.

What is the appropriate age for my daughter to start wearing thong underwear?

Can you see me shaking my head?  Can you feel the steam rolling off of me, the fire coming out of my eyes?  I read that, and I was like a bull who warns the person it's about to nail his horns into, dragging it's foot across the sand and lowering it's head.  If you think it's appropriate for your daughter to wear a thong - you might want to just close out of this post right about now.

WHAT?  Okay - do we need to have a little lesson on thong underwear people??  THINK!  WHAT does thong underwear represent?  I can tell you right now that any normal guy that sees the thong underwear hanging outside of your daughters low-rise jeans - I can tell you what he thinks.  I'm not going to put it here - but you know dog gone well what that represents.  And - by the way - if I EVER saw my daughter with low rise jeans and a thong sticking out of them - well - now she's 18 - but first of all, I wouldn't be seen in public with her and second of all - I would make her change her underwear before she came in my house!  No - I'M NOT KIDDING!  And, besides, my daughter wouldn't do that.

Why do you need to ask when it's appropriate?  It's not.  If you need to ask, then something in you thinks that it's okay for your daughter, who lives in your house, to buy them.  Come on - we all know they are not comfortable!  Now, I know someone will tell me they don't wear them to attract attention - but with the whole fact that your picking them out of your behind all day - WHY would you choose to wear them if not to draw attention?  I know, I know, I'm old.

Anyway.  The point is this.  Please don't buy your daughter thong underwear.  Please don't put that temptation in front of every hot (and normal) blooded guy she comes across.  It's a tease.  It's not modest.  It's just not.  I would really be surprised to learn people wear them as "normal" underwear and not as something more.  Maybe there are people out there - but I don't know - the thought of my daughter wearing thong underwear before she gets married - it just makes me cringe.  I certainly wouldn't be buying them for her.

Please train your daughters to be modest.  Please don't make it any harder on guys than it already is.  Help her to learn to save what she has for the eyes of the guy she marries and not for everyone else.  Also keep in mind - it's not just her teenage guy friends that look.  It's not.  I hate to say that - but it's true.  Last summer I was in a parking lot at a gas station and some girls thought it would be "cool" to let a 40 year old guy take pictures of them in front of his old car - and he managed to convince them to take it down to their very skimpy bikinis.  They were teenagers.  He used his camera.  I can tell you right now those pics, if not just for his personal enjoyment, went on the Internet or were shared with his friends.  This is not a nice world people and the devil is looking to devour your daughter any way he can.

I'm sorry for being so - well - blunt.  Honestly - I'm just looking out for your kid.  Help them to live in such a way that leads to life and not death and destruction.  Please.

End rant.  I'm good now - if you made it thus far - good job.  Tomorrow I may have a few less hits on my blog, but, this is how I feel.

I miss you

I miss you.  I miss you sometimes so much that it hurts.  I hate setting 3 plates at the table instead of 4.  I hate driving past Taco Bell.  I hate looking over at church at the youth section and not seeing you there.  I miss the sound of your voice.  I miss your laughter.  I miss all the goofy things about you.  I miss fighting with you over who gets to use the computer next.  I miss being tired of running you all over kingdom come.  I miss taking you and your friends wherever you want to go.  I miss eating fettucini alfredo at Olive Garden with you.  I miss Dr. Pepper cans spilled on my living room floor.  I miss you.  I miss your voice telling me you love me.  I miss your hugs.  I miss you fighting with your brother.  I miss making you pasta.  I miss watching tv with you.  I miss your head on my shoulder.  I miss you.  I know your coming home soon - but I can't help feeling like things will never be the same again.  I know it's going to hurt even more when I have to say goodbye again this time.  I don't know that this hole in my heart, this place that aches like I never knew was possible - I don't know if that will ever go away.  I know this is part of life and I know I am not alone - but I really miss you.  You are and always will be - my baby girl.  This song is for you.

What it takes to be called Daddy

I briefly mentioned this in the previous post - but the more I dwell on it, the more it touches my heart.  I think it deserves a post of it's own.

I case you missed it, I talked about a note our daughter wrote on my husband's Facebook wall this morning.  She's in college this year - a freshman - and last night she went swing dancing with some friends for a birthday party or something.  She wrote this on my husband's wall in the wee hours of the morning:  I learned tonight that I suck at dancing with anybody but you. Miss you daddy. ♥


It sent me into tears instantly.  I called my husband who was on the road to work (probably a bad choice - lol) and he couldn't speak he was crying so hard.


Anyone can be a parent - anyone can be a dad - but it takes someone special to be called daddy by a daughter who is 18.


It makes me so happy.  I didn't have a relationship like that to my father - and watching my husband and daughter - is bittersweet.  How do I explain?  I am beyond happy they have the relationship they do.  It makes me melt and makes me incredibly proud to call Marty my husband.  It makes me see once again what an incredible man he is.  Elyse has a been a daddy's girl from day one.  Her and I are reallllyyy alike.  Marty - he's the opposite of me.  Laid back, chill, hilariously funny.  He loves that girl so stinking much.  She has learned what to expect from a husband by watching the way he treats me and the way he treats her.  I actually feel very sorry for the guy she'll marry one day - I'm not quite sure he will ever live up to the expectations she has set in her mind for someone to be like her Dad.


On the other hand - it's also bitter for me.  I see all I missed out on.  At 18 - I was running from my father.  Literally.  To think of ever writing something like that to him - to have a relationship like that to my father - well - it hurts.  


Anyway - that's not the point of this post.  If you want to know what it takes to be a Daddy and have your daughter say such beautiful things to you at the age of 18 - let me share with you what my husband has done.  There are many things - here are just a few.


When she was little - and even now - they are buddies. No one can make Elyse laugh like her Dad.  They spend time together.  When she was an infant, only Marty could calm her as her seizure medication wore off and kicked back in again.  Hours he would hold her and they would dance around the living room and he would sing in her ear and calm her.  It started when she was 3 days old.  She would scream, he would pick her up and move gently move around the room with her - and soon, she would stop crying.  If he stopped - she would scream again.


Ah man, this post is hard to write.


As she grew, Marty often took her out on "dates".  They attended every daddy/daughter dance they could.  He would buy her flowers, tell her how a man should hold the door for her, pay for her meal, come to the door and not honk the horn.  He would teach her not just by word but action. He would compliment her and tell her how beautiful she was. The would get all duded up to go to the dances.  She would stand on his toes and they would dance the night away.


In her teenage years - she learned by watching how he treated me.  This, men, is the most important thing.  Marty always - without fail - respects me.  We have been married almost 20 years and I can maybe think of only a couple of times he has ever raised his voice to me - and that's probably because I pushed him to that point.  He never talks bad about me to his friends - we always build each other up. He doesn't make crass jokes about me.  What goes on in the bedroom - stays there - it's not open for public discussion.   He still opens doors for me, still pays for our dates (lol), brings me flowers.  He cherishes me and makes me feel like a queen every day of my life.  He's always telling me how beautiful I am - he pours on the compliments even and especially when I don't deserve them.  He is - by far - the biggest servant I have ever met.  He is constantly getting me something to drink, getting me something out of the car I forgot, running all over the house to get whatever I need. He helps around the house.  A real man does dishes, changes poopy diapers and cleans up puke.  No - he's not - what's that saying - "whipped" - he just knows how to serve.  


And can I say another thing?  A real man - cries.  Not all the time, not in a way that makes him weak - but as the saying goes - his heart breaks for the things that break the heart of our heavenly father.  He's not afraid to show when things touch him deeply through emotion.  We tease Marty about this - but truly - it is one of the things we love most.


We never walk around on eggshells in our house waiting for his mood to improve.  Never.  First - I would never allow it - but second and most important - Marty would never in a million years act that way.  Although he loves football - I never have to think on Superbowl Sunday that some stupid football game is going to cause him to be in a foul mood and become abusive.  He doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs.  


He leads spiritually - reading the word, praying, spending time in church.  Serving others.  Even though I can be "opinionated"  (Marty calls it passionate - lol!) - when push comes to shove - Marty makes the spiritual decisions in our home.  He takes us to church and expects his kids to go.  He leads by example.  


If you want your kids to call you Daddy at 18 - well - at least your daughters - then treat your wife the way you want your future son-in-law - to treat your daughter.  She will do as she has learned - not your words - but your actions.  Don't expect anything else from her.


I know there is plenty more I am not thinking of in this moment.  This may deserve another post at a future date. At this point, I've cried myself out so I think we'll end it here.


Marty - I am so glad God put us together.  We are blessed to have you in our lives.  Our kids are blessed.  Future generations - will be blessed.  You have set in motion generations of daughters and sons who know and love the Lord.  I am honored to be your wife and our children are honored to be your children.  Thank you my amazing man.  I love you.

Letting go is hard stuff!

So tonight my beautiful daughter posts on facebook that she is heading downtown at like 10:30 p.m. and freaks me out.  Of course, I say "your not going alone" and she says "I'm not stupid."  As in - duh Mom - come ON!  But then I go to her tumblr and she's talking all about how she needs to get alone with God and she's looking for a place to do that downtown where she won't get killed - and now - I'm freaked.  But - I've said enough to her (and now I put it on here - how nice!) and - well - here I am.

I've decided that parenting had to be easier for my Mom (stop laughing Mom) in the non-techno age.  The age of no cell phones, no tumblrs, blogs, twitter updates - etc.  The land where she didn't know what in the world I was up to (and that was probably a good thing) or where I was.  When she didn't know I was downtown Grand Rapids (hmmmmmm.......) climbing a building with Donnie and Marty and Dave - or wait - was that just Donnie and Marty - anyway - in the middle of the night.  Where she didn't know I was too chicken to go all the way to the roof so I stayed on the stairs on the side of the building several stories high where I absolutely did not belong and almost got us caught which would have probably resulted in, at the very least, being spoken to by the cops.  Of course, I was only trying to get alone with Marty (do not read into that) and not God - so I guess my kid is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was.

The point is - I thought I was a crappy parent of a teen - but I am coming to realize - I am a crappier parent of an 18 year old.  I can be - uh - obsessive (no comments Elyse!) in my worry and checking in on her.  It's so hard!!  I want to know, but I don't want to know - and this is a GOOD kid.  Lord knows she's in a WAY better spot than I ever was at her age!!

Seriously.  She's taking a cell phone break (ah crap - that means she's probably downtown with NO PHONE.  Sigh.  There is no sleep happening tonight!) and I think I need to take a technology break too.  Not from all of you - but from checking in on her and making sure she is safe, good, okay, healthy, happy, eating, not getting killed downtown at 10:30 p.m., etc.  Does that make me a bad parent??  MY HEAD HURTS from all the worry sometimes!  I'm beginning to wonder if I've crossed into the land of needing psychological help.... :)  Yeah, yeah, okay, so maybe I was in THAT place a long time ago!

Kidding around - but in all seriousness.  I really do think that for my own sanity - I'm going to take a break from my checking in.  Of course I'll call and all that - but I need to take a step back and realize she is safe in the arms of Jesus.  I can't fix anything from here.  She has to have some room to breathe for goodness sakes. 

Sorry Lysie Bug.  I love you.  Oh so stinking much.  I miss you more than I can stand some days.

Letting go is hard stuff!!

The definition of a man

To start this post - let me brag a little on my kids.  I'm not sure how E is doing grade wise - but she seems to always be doing some kind of homework!  We checked little man's grades today and he has all A's except in Algebra where he has a C+ - which is - A-MAZING!!!  Woo Hoo :)  So proud of how hard they are both working!

Little Man had to write a paper on what it means to be a man.  He doesn't know this - but he had us in tears.  I am sooooo proud of what he wrote.  Proud because writing is not his thing - proud more because of what he wrote.  Proud because the reason he knows what it means to be man - is because his Daddy taught him.  Young ladies out there - pick your man wisely - because your sons and daughters will watch - and your husband - will teach your kids how to be a man and what to expect from a man if you have daughters.

Anyway - you've got to read this paper.  Keep in mind he's learning disabled so don't look at anything beyond the meaning of what he says.  There are some pretty funny moments too.  Awesome.  Here goes:

The definition of a man - by Jon

 

Wikipedia.com says a man is this:  “The term man (pl. men) is used for an adult human male (the term boy is the usual term for a human male child or adolescent). However, man is sometimes used to refer to humanity as a whole. Sometimes it is also used to identify a male human, regardless of age, as in phrases such as "men's rights". 

My definition of a man is a guy that supports his family and spends time with them.  He does fun stuff with them.  He goes to amusement parks with them.  He plays football with them.  He helps them with their homework.  He goes to their school activities and cheers them on. 

    

Second of all, I think a man is someone who is a gentleman and holds doors for women and children and old people.  He walks to the door to pick up his date instead of honking the horn.  He gives up his seat for a lady who needs it in a public place.  He pays the bill when he takes his date out.

Next, a man is a guy who works in the family to put food on the table, buy clothes and provide for other family needs.  He gets a job and works hard.  He saves up money.  He doesn’t gamble or waste money on alcohol and drugs.  He puts his family first in his money decisions and not spend money on stuff he wants all the time.  I think a man is a guy who helps his wife at home with cleaning the house, mowing the yard and other stuff around the house.  He changes diapers and takes the kids so his wife can have a break once in a while.   I think a man is a guy who is a role model to everyone in the family.  I think a man is a guy who protects his family from things such as robbers, bullies, and terrorists.  I think a man is a guy who is nice and caring.  He doesn’t yell all the time.

Another thing a man is is brave and courageous in times of need.  I think a man votes.  I think a man joins the military if needed by his country in a draft.  A man should support his family’s religious and political views.

If a man has animals, he takes care of them.  He makes sure they have food and water and cleans up after them.  He treats them well.  He doesn’t let anyone treat them bad.

A man teaches his son how to be a good worker.  He teaches his son how to take care of the cars.  He lets him help around the house.  He teaches how to start a campfire.  He takes his son camping and teaches him how to camp.  He takes him hunting and teaches him how to use a gun.  He teaches his son about gun safety.  A man teaches his son how to play sports. 

A man teaches his daughter about how a boy should treat her.  A man teaches his daughter about how she should treat other people.  A man takes his daughter out to eat and shopping.  A man helps his daughter know self-defense and how to take care of herself when he is not around. 

A man also takes care of himself.  He takes showers.  He keeps himself healthy by not becoming overweight so he can play with his children.  A man goes to the Dr. when he is sick.  A man wears nice clothes so he doesn’t embarrass his kids.  A man gets an education so he can get a decent job. 

A man takes care of his extended family when they need it.  He takes care of his parents, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews when they need it.  He visits them often.  He calls them on the phone too. 

A man is many things.  These are just some of those things.  I hope you do these things to be a good man.

Where are the fathers?

Today as we were driving home from Jimmy Johns we got in a discussion about this topic.

My "little" man was commenting on the prevalence of Jr. high boys that ask girls for naked pictures and jr high girls who actually take them - and send them to everyone in their contact list.  No kidding. 

Where are the fathers?  Where are the fathers to speak to their sons on what is appropriate and what isn't?  Where are the fathers checking their sons phone to make sure nothing like that has made it's way to their phone?

Even more so - where are the fathers who train their daughters how to be a young lady?  How to act like a young lady, talk like a young lady - and keep themselves covered.  Where are the fathers who teach their daughters about pureness and innocence?  Where are the fathers who protect their daughters from the predators?

I see a sad thing.  I think it's our generation - those raising teens now - in our late 30's to late 40's - that have done a serious disservice to our children.  We're not there.  Maybe we're not bad parents - abusive or whatever - but we're absent.  Many times I see my generation so intent on fulfilling their needs and desires and wants that their kids are left out in the cold.

Let me ask you this Dad.  How many hours are you putting in at work?  Are you home taking your daughter out for breakfast or lunch?  Taking her on "dates" to show her how she should expect a man to treat her?  Are you more concerned with the cars, the boats, the vacations - than you are about raising your child?  Yes, quality time matters - but so does quantity.

I'll tell you what I see.  I see a generation of people who care more about their toys than their children.  I see a generation more concerned about time with their friends than about the friends their kids are hanging out with.  I see a generation working more and more and being in the home less and less.  I see a very selfish generation.

Is that what you want for your beautiful daughter?  Do you want her to fall and give in when some hormone filled boy asks her for naked pictures?  Or do you want her to realize her true beauty and not succumb to the pressure?  It's up to you Dad - it really is.  Teach her what she's worth - by being there for her.  That way when some moron asks her for inappropriate pictures - she'll say what my daughter said "I'd punch 'em in the throat!" (Okay so she's a bit violent but you get the point!)

I'm not saying all dad's in our generation are bad.  My husband is an amazing Dad and I know lots of other amazing Dad's - but obviously, if there are lots of girls at our Jr. high who have taken naked pictures of themselves and handed them out like candy - then we have a problem.  At least here, in our town.  Sounds to me like there is a lot of work to be done to raise Godly men and Godly women and to help those who need some love and guidance.

My point is this.  It's not about where you go on vacation, what car you drive or how big your house is.  It doesn't matter if you put in 12 hour work days and you think your finished there.  Your not.  Your children - both our sons and our daughters - are crying out for your love, your attention, your affection.  The cost is too big not to pay attention.

Grad Party Greatness :)

After weeks of work, today we partied!!  What an amazing day.  Let me explain.

It started at 6:10 a.m. for me.  Couldn't sleep.  I was thinking (worrying) about everything that needed to be done still.  I decided this was just the kind of day to get out of bed and get on my knees.  So, I grabbed my phone (aka bible), prayer journal and hit the back deck before anyone got out of bed.

It was chilly and looked like rain.  God and I had a little talk about the weather and the forecast.  Then we talked about what a blessing my daughter is to us.  We talked about safety for those coming and most importantly, that we would be the best representation of Christ we could be.  I prayed for some people specifically - some that they would come to know Jesus personally, some for strength, some for safety, etc.  God and I - we had a good time.

After getting my focus where it belonged, it was the fastest 6 hours of my life.  The party came before I knew it and I didn't even have time to do my hair and makeup - so up in a pony tail it went.  I didn't look that great - but the house and back yard were kickin' :)  Elyse looked beautiful in her yellow dress.  The kitchen was super busy and friends and family began arriving quickly.

My biggest surprise of the day was Negasi, Emily, Natu and Calieb coming all the way from Grand Rapids.  Sometime I will tell you about our special friends.  We only get to see them once or twice a year and boy do we miss them.  They are like kids to us and their kids like grandkids.  We really love these guys and when I saw them, I ran out of the house, flew down the deck steps and gave them a great big hug!  It was so incredible seeing them.  I had to stop from crying when they left :(

So many friends and family were here to celebrate with us today!  Not a relative was missing - Aunts/Uncles/Cousins/Grandparents/Great Aunt & Uncle - it was awesome!  Lots of friends - new friends, old friends - good friends.  Thank you to all of you who came and joined us in celebration.  Thank you for being part of Elyse's day.  Thank you for reminding me once again of how blessed we are with good family and good friends.  Thank you for those who cooked food, those who brought food, those who prepared food - no way I could have pulled it off without all of you!  You freed me up to spend time with out honored guests and that was a great gift to me.  Thank you to those who helped clean up, Aly for taking what will be fun and classic pictures (can't wait to see some of those - love me some families with a sense of humor), Lane & Jay for the tent/table/chairs.  So many people worked hard to make today as special as it was.

It was really a good day.  70% chance of thunderstorms.  It didn't even rain.  What a mighty God we serve!

But the greatest blessing of all?

Our daughter.  She is so beautiful.  She is an amazing blessing in our lives.  Today I thought "you are beyond blessed".  Thanking Jesus today for all the blessings He poured out - but most importantly - for a daughter who loves Him, who serves Him, and who is headed to college to grow in Him in a very short amount of time.  Congratulations baby girl - you have made us proud.  More importantly - you have made your Savior proud.  Although He wasn't there in a "physical" sense today - I KNOW He walked amongst us today.  I know He smiled and laughed and thought "that's my girl" so many times.  I saw Him in the beautiful sunshine, I saw Him in friends and family and I saw Him in you.  Thank you for being who you are.  We love you.

Today was a great day!  Thanks again to all of you for joining us.  Can't wait to show you some pictures!

The Grad!!

Oh our lives are NUTSO right now!!  Getting ready for the big ole party this coming weekend!  If you haven't received an invite - know your invited!  We would love, love, love to see you there!  June 11, 12 - 5, at our place.  Please come over and say hello if you have time :)  Mexican food baby, you know you want some of that!!

This past Sunday E graduated from high school.  She is officially a high school graduate and a college student!  She was beautiful, as always.  I love her and we are so stinking proud of her!!  Way to represent the one of, what, 10, maybe, non-white people there???  (even though you do look white!)

Anywho - here's some pics of the day.  It was a beautiful one :)

Celebration!

2011 is a year of milestones - a year of celebration.  It is a year that makes me realize life passes so quickly and we should cherish the moments.  It is a year I am thankful to God for how He brings us through the best - and the worst - of times.  It is a year to celebrate family and friends - and life.

Here are some of the big events coming up in our lives this year.

May 23 - Marty and I will celebrate 19 years of marriage.  AWESOME!  How blessed we are!
May 27 - Elyse will finish her last day of high school!
June 5 - We will celebrate the graduation of our first born child.  I can't even type this without crying.  What a beautiful young lady God has blessed us with.
June 11 - Elyse's graduation party.  Y'all are invited of course!  12-5 - at our place.
June 15 - "Little" Man will turn 15.  How is it possible???  Let's hope the poor kid grows some before the fall & the start of high school :)
June 17 - To be announced - and no - I ain't pregnant :)
June 22 - Marty will celebrate his 40th birthday!!  Keep June 21st open - we may have a party to celebrate :)
June 28 - I will celebrate 5 years cancer free - which means - God has fully healed me!  God is so good.
August 26 - Elyse turns 18.  WOW. 
August 27 - We drop our "baby girl" off at college.  Again, crying.  It doesn't seem possible.
Day after labor day - Our little man starts high school.  It just blows my mind.

Elyse - the child the Dr.'s told us would be brain damaged due to her seizures.  She will graduate with a 3.6, received a 28 on her ACT and attend bible college in the fall.  God is faithful.

Jon - the child with learning disabilities - will finish 8th grade and enter high school with a fresh start in the fall.  I suspect he will do great and we will be just as amazed at all God has done in his life in 4 years as we are now for Elyse.  God is faithful.

Our marriage - look at all God has done.  We're still kicking and more in love than we were the day we got married.  God is faithful.

My health - 5 years - cancer free - cured.  God is faithful.

2011 - A year of celebrations!  We hope you will join us for Elyse's open house & a possible party on the 21st of June to celebrate Marty's 40th birthday and my cancer free journey.  We'd love to see you there.  After all - what's a celebration without people to share it with??

To Elyse & Jon

This post is for my babies - although your all welcome to read :)

I know you guys are growing up, and your not babies anymore.  Even though, sometimes, I know I still treat you like one.  One day you will understand.  I know you might find this video cheesy and roll your eyes - but it couldn't express my love for you any better.

You guys make me so very proud.  You are growing into beautiful adults right before our very eyes.  It seems only yesterday when you were born and we held you in our arms.  It's hard to believe the wings God has given you are ready to fly.  Listen to the prayer at the end of this video.  It is my prayer for you.  Yeah, it's rhymey and cheesy in teenage speak - but it is your Mom's heart.  I love you guys.  Keep your eyes on Jesus always - even when He is hard to find.  If you do nothing more in life, do this.  I love you.

Creationism under attack

Creationism is under attack more than I've ever seen before.  Just this year, one of my kid's teachers told them the biblical story of Creationism has been disproved.  We've heard it said, by teachers, in militant fashion, that it is their job to teach kids who come from these wacko Christian homes the truth of evolution. 

If your kids attend public schools - or if they will attend a secular university especially - we must teach our kids the truth - at home.  We must ground them in the word.  The movement against Creationism is, as I said, militant.

Personally, I don't get it.  To me, it takes just as much faith to believe something came from nothing, to believe physical beauty came from destruction - and no matter what the evolutionists say - it all HAD to start SOMEWHERE.  It wasn't just THERE one day.  Even if you believe the nonsense - at some point - you have to agree there had to be a creator to create that first thing - gasses - whatever - in order to start the world in motion.  Hear me out here - I don't believe that - I can't look around and see the beautiful world that surrounds me and think it came from a ball of gasses floating around space.  That's stupidity at it's best.  Oh yeah, I went there.  I almost went off the deep end when above teacher tried to sell the whole bible has been disproved lie.  Funny how separation of church and state applies the minute a child/student tries to speak the truth - but our kids can be subjected to the RELIGION of evolution and that seems to be okay.

Moving along.  Let's see what the bible has to say about creation, because, after all, that's where we base our beliefs.

Of course, we have to start with Genesis 1 & 2 - the beginning of the world.  Read the chapters but Genesis 1:1 states "In the beginning God created heaven and earth."  Really, evolutionists could save themselves a lot of time and money if they would just read - and believe - that one verse.

Nehemiah 9:6 "You alone are Lord.  You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all the starry host, the earth and all that is in it, the seas and all that is in them.  You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.

Isaiah 42:5  "This is what God the Lord says - he who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it."

There are several more, of course, but that's a start.  You can google it and find them, or ask and I'll give you more.

Just reading one article opposed to creationism calls us "brainwashed", "contentious", and accuses us of "fabricating beliefs based on an old book", and to end the article - I quote:  "Religious evangelism needs to accept science or cease spreading it's lies , for the good of everyone."

Do you hear the anger?  Do you see the dogmatism?   Do you feel the hate dripping in those words?  This article also says we don't base our beliefs in science - and there - he is wrong.  There is plenty of science disproving evolution and proving creationism.  I'm not putting it here - we could spend days arguing.  See the links below for more scientific proof that creationism is truth.

Personally, if someone wants to believe evolution - that's their choice. I disagree with them, and I pray one day they will see the truth - but I don't hate on people who don't believe the same way I do. I don't go around saying it's my job to teach these kids that come from wacko secular homes the truth. 

I'd like to tell the author of this article, however, that evolution evangelism needs to accept creation and cease spreading it's lies - for the good of everyone.

A great resource is Answers in Genesis.  There is all kinds of information on there for you to check out.  Resources, videos, devotionals, etc.  There's also the Creation Museum in Cinci.  I've never been there, but I hear it's awesome!

To sum it all up - have no doubt, your kids are being taught evolution in public schools.  Creationism is under attack. Teach your kids God's truth - show them the actual science of it since evolutionists aren't faith based anyway.  Teach them to stand in the darkness as light of God's truth.  One day - we will all stand before God and the truth will be revealed.  On which side will you stand?

Parenting with Balance

Today I was listening to a popular Christian talk show on the radio.  One specific thing stuck in my head.  One of the people talking said he used to sit his daughter on his lap and say "Jenny, you are a sinner!" and she would respond "yeah daddy, I know."  I wasn't entirely sure if he was kidding or serious - but it got me thinking.

That's one extreme - if he was serious.  I would never sit my kids down and say "you stink, you dirty rotten little person you!  You never do anything right!".  I don't know if he meant it that way - but it was the picture in my head the minute he said it.  On the other hand - I believe our generation - maybe in retaliation to that type of parenting - has swung the other way.  Coach any team and you'll find out real quick that 99% of parents think their kids are the best thing the world has to offer - and the kids think it too.  Just sit their child for a few minutes & both child & parent will make it very clear what they feel about their personal talents in comparison to everyone else!

There has to be balance in parenting.  I want my kids to know I do think they are the best kids in the world!  I love them, I cherish them, I want them to know I wouldn't want any other child as my kid.  I also want them to know I realize they make mistakes.  They are not perfect.  They are talented, smart, adorable - but not without flaws.  If I build them up to think they are the best thing since sliced bread - then they begin to become arrogant and prideful and without need of God.  On the other hand, if I don't build them up enough - they become angry, defiant and give up trying to please me - or God.

Like so many things in life - I believe we need to be balanced in our parenting.  I want my kids to know I don't expect perfection.  If they are going to make mistakes - I would rather they made them now - here - while I am around to guide them back in the right direction.  I do love them more than anything and nothing they could ever do would change my love for them.  There are days I don't like their behavior a whole lot - but I never stop loving them.

Balanced parenting.  What do you think?