And another one bites the dust

And another one's gone, and another one's gone, and another one bites the dust.  That was for all my 80's friends out there.  Back when there was good music to listen to on the radio.  Just kidding, just kidding!!

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.  This new phase in life is so strange.  Dropped off our oldest at the airport today along with a lot of other college parents - all looking like they stayed up too late and all wiping away the tears as they walked away.  The kids, who look like babies I might add, happily trotted off to their new lives without us :(  Sigh!!  I don't know what part of me thought I would find this stage in life new and exciting.  Somewhere along the line I got this mistaken belief that as the kids moved successfully on with their lives, I would stop worrying, I would suddenly find time for all the things I never got to do, never got to be because I dedicated my life to them.  To put it bluntly - that was stupid thinking.  I worry more now than ever, I don't have time to do anything because I'm working my butt off to pay for the college bill - totally not what I had in mind.  I was thinking more along the lines of cruises to the Caribbean, smoothies under palm trees - that sort of thing.  Okay, so maybe that was a bit unrealistic - but it truly is what I thought would happen when the kids began their lives without me lol!!

Anywho - we enjoyed our time with our oldest and the only thing keeping me together is the fact that my favorite holiday is fast approaching and it's only 18 days until I see said child again!  Plus I'm counting on Publisher's to come through as a Christmas present to me so I can pay that college bill and enjoy the palm trees like I said.  Yep - about as realistic as my expectations for when the kids jogged off to their new lives :)

I'll get some pics up for you soon.  I didn't take many. WHAT was I THINKING??  We ate a whole lot of turkey starting with a Thanksgiving with my family, followed by our Thanksgiving and the kiddos got to enjoy Thanksgiving feast at church as well.  I do love turkey - but admittedly - I'm sick of it.  Today I think I'm going to make ziti with some of the venison we just picked up from the butcher from Jon's first hunting season success.  Shhh, don't tell anyone - curious if anyone notices.  Never had it myself so I'm curious if I notice!

I trust you had a great Thanksgiving celebrating with family and friends.  It seems to have come and gone so quickly this year.  Now on to decorating the house for CHRISTmas - can't wait!!

Shout Out!

Yep, this is post numero three today!  Sick and sitting at the computer, can you tell??

Anywho - quick shout out here to another amazing blogger - my daughter :)  If you don't follow her, you should.  She's a good writer and she's beautiful and amazing and smart and talented and loves Jesus and.. and a lot of things.  She makes us so very proud.  If you'd like to hop over and check out her blog, I know you will be blessed by it.  Here you go:

MI to MN:  A journey of watching dreams come true

This is for you Dad

Not my Dad - but Dad's out there - and especially my husband - who is the best dad in the entire world to our kids.

Found on my daughter's tumblr page:

I wanna go back to the generation where "going out" was going on a date, not immediately being "BF/GF". I wanna go back to the generation when a guy had to get permission from the girl's Dad to ask her out. I wanna go back to the generation where a guy would physically call her and talk to her, not text. I wanna go back to the generation where your first kiss would be with someone you've been dating for months, not hookup with a guy you meet in a club. I wanna go back to the generation where a guy would give you his varsity jacket. I wanna go back to the generation where a girl can get any guy just by wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers. I wanna go back to the generation where couples slow danced, not grind. I wanna go back to the generation where love actually makes sense....

And on the bottom - a note from my daughter which says:
Any guy that wants to date me needs to know this is exactly what our relationship is going to look like. ESPECIALLY the asking Dad part. I mean it.


Do a good job - love your daughter - teach her what a real man looks like by loving her Mom, loving her and being a good Daddy - and these are the types of things your daughter will say when she is 18.

College

I loved college.  Loved it.  It was some of the most amazing years of my life. I was finally free, I was running and not looking back.  I figured out who I was.  I found my voice.  I learned to stand up for myself, learned to speak instead of stay silent.  I met my husband at college, practiced my craft at college.  I laughed a lot and made lasting friendships.  I look back on college and can't think of a single negative thing about it.  Even the tough times were what helped shape me and protect me.  Life was fresh, exciting.  I was in a new place, able to make my own choices, choose my own direction.  It was fun.  It was a dream I wasn't used to living.  I loved it.

Never once in those 4 years did I stop and think about it from any perspective than mine.  Never once did I wonder how hard my it must be for my Mom.  It just didn't dawn on me.  Literally wasn't a thought in my head - and now I feel terrible about that.

Now I'm the Mom.  My daughter is home for the first time since leaving in August and today she shed some tears.  I knew she would.  It's a harsh reality to come home from college for the first time.  While you're off having a grand ole time, the world you left behind goes on without you and something about that - just seems wrong.  You know people still love you - but it just feels - off.  I tried to warn her because I haven't forgotten the first time I came home - but - it's something you have to experience for yourself.

What scares me is that all it took was my coming home once or twice for me to realize I really DID love this new world I was making for myself and before long - I just plain stopped coming home all that often.  I know my circumstances were far different than my daughters - but honestly - I wonder when that moment will come for her.  It's normal, it's natural, and in a bittersweet way - it's a moment that when it arrives, I will know she's going to be okay - but it certainly doesn't feel good on this end.  At some point, I met my husband and his family - and then I think my Mom might have seen me only a couple of times a year for a while.  I dread that.

Last night she fell asleep in my bed as we watched criminal minds at 4:00 a.m. because we were too wired from the trip home.  Her roommate slept in her room and Marty hit the couch.  This morning I woke up to her snoring next to me and just smiled.  It's good to have her home.  She doesn't know it, but I sat and just watched her sleep, rubbed her back and tried to soak in the memory for the days she is gone.  I doubt I have many of those moments left with her so I try to enjoy them when they happen.

I'm so happy for her - she loves college.  I'm glad she does.  I know one day she will stop coming home all together and that's a bridge we will cross when we come to it.  For today - I'm enjoying having her home for 3 days.  I'm glad she's at a great Christian college with students, staff and mentors who love the Lord and are growing her in Christ.  But I miss her.

Yet, as much as having her stay home at a community college would be beneficial to me - it wouldn't be beneficial for her.  It's not what God wants for her life.  Right now she is living the dream that both Marty and I were able to live.  I want that for it even though eventually, it means goodbye.

1 more day!

Okay, it's a little more than one day in hours - but in just about 36 hours, Lord willing, I'll be standing at a bus station watching for my girl.  Yee Haw!  Can't wait!

5 more days!!

SUPER excited 'cause in FIVE DAYS my girl will be coming home for a visit.  WOO HOO!!  It's gonna be AWESOME!!!  Not so excited about the drive to Chicago to pick her up - but hey - it'll be so worth it when I get to see her.  I can't believe it's been since AUGUST since I've given her a hug.  It's almost going to be strange to have her home.  Lots of cleaning to do this week to prepare - but I can't wait!!

Teach Our Daughters

 

I found this on a friends status on Facebook.  I love it, and I agree.  Couldn't have said it better myself.  In case you can't read it - I wrote it out below.  Thank you to my husband for being the man who has taught our daughter these things.

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between:

a man who flatters her

and a man who compliments her.

a man who spends money on her

and a man who invests in her.

a man who views her as property

and a man who views her properly.

a man who lusts after her

and a man who loves her.

a man who believes he's a gift to women,

and a man who believes she's a gift to him.

And then we need to teach our sons

to be that kind of man.

Birthday Recap

Thanks to those of you who prayed for me today - I can honestly say, this was a great day.

The day started off with my phone being bombed with texts from my husbands first hour class.  Then they called me and sang Happy Birthday.  How cool is that?  Every class called me today and sang to me - I thought that was pretty cool.

At 9:00 a.m., I had breakfast with my sweet friend Weiling.  She fed me some yummy Chinese food and got me a beautiful frame for my birthday.

 After that, I came home and checked my Facebook and many of you left me a birthday greeting.  I love Facebook for this!  I'm silly, I know, but every time someone new posted, it just made my day a little more special.  Then I took a beautiful nap.  I do not know what is going on with me but I have been soooo tired for the past week!!

Sometime around 3:00, I baked some yummy chocolate chip cookies.

Then everyone arrived and we went to our Special Olympics soccer game.  The kids poured out of their van, running to me to wish me a Happy Birthday.  We took a 7-5 victory today and after the game, they all sang Happy Birthday to me.  Beautiful music to my ears I tell ya!!

Then Marty, Jon,  my in-laws and I went and ate a very yummy dinner at LongHorn Steak House.  Amazingly good meal!

Finally, I was given a new camera for my birthday, courtesy of my family, my Mom and Dad and my in-laws.  It is a great camera and I am looking forward to some great shots tomorrow at the apple orchard and botanical gardens.  No one knows that is on the agenda - but it is!!

It truly was a special day full of friends new and old, good food and beautiful people.  Thanks to all of you who made this day a very special one :)  Love you guys!

Scrap Yard visit

I figured since I told you all about my scrap happy man the other day, today when the boys went to the scrap yard, I took my camera along.  Hope you enjoy :)

 Before we left the house

 Tying everything down so we don't have an embarrassing experience

 We have arrived, obviously

I miss you

I miss you.  I miss you sometimes so much that it hurts.  I hate setting 3 plates at the table instead of 4.  I hate driving past Taco Bell.  I hate looking over at church at the youth section and not seeing you there.  I miss the sound of your voice.  I miss your laughter.  I miss all the goofy things about you.  I miss fighting with you over who gets to use the computer next.  I miss being tired of running you all over kingdom come.  I miss taking you and your friends wherever you want to go.  I miss eating fettucini alfredo at Olive Garden with you.  I miss Dr. Pepper cans spilled on my living room floor.  I miss you.  I miss your voice telling me you love me.  I miss your hugs.  I miss you fighting with your brother.  I miss making you pasta.  I miss watching tv with you.  I miss your head on my shoulder.  I miss you.  I know your coming home soon - but I can't help feeling like things will never be the same again.  I know it's going to hurt even more when I have to say goodbye again this time.  I don't know that this hole in my heart, this place that aches like I never knew was possible - I don't know if that will ever go away.  I know this is part of life and I know I am not alone - but I really miss you.  You are and always will be - my baby girl.  This song is for you.

What it takes to be called Daddy

I briefly mentioned this in the previous post - but the more I dwell on it, the more it touches my heart.  I think it deserves a post of it's own.

I case you missed it, I talked about a note our daughter wrote on my husband's Facebook wall this morning.  She's in college this year - a freshman - and last night she went swing dancing with some friends for a birthday party or something.  She wrote this on my husband's wall in the wee hours of the morning:  I learned tonight that I suck at dancing with anybody but you. Miss you daddy. ♥


It sent me into tears instantly.  I called my husband who was on the road to work (probably a bad choice - lol) and he couldn't speak he was crying so hard.


Anyone can be a parent - anyone can be a dad - but it takes someone special to be called daddy by a daughter who is 18.


It makes me so happy.  I didn't have a relationship like that to my father - and watching my husband and daughter - is bittersweet.  How do I explain?  I am beyond happy they have the relationship they do.  It makes me melt and makes me incredibly proud to call Marty my husband.  It makes me see once again what an incredible man he is.  Elyse has a been a daddy's girl from day one.  Her and I are reallllyyy alike.  Marty - he's the opposite of me.  Laid back, chill, hilariously funny.  He loves that girl so stinking much.  She has learned what to expect from a husband by watching the way he treats me and the way he treats her.  I actually feel very sorry for the guy she'll marry one day - I'm not quite sure he will ever live up to the expectations she has set in her mind for someone to be like her Dad.


On the other hand - it's also bitter for me.  I see all I missed out on.  At 18 - I was running from my father.  Literally.  To think of ever writing something like that to him - to have a relationship like that to my father - well - it hurts.  


Anyway - that's not the point of this post.  If you want to know what it takes to be a Daddy and have your daughter say such beautiful things to you at the age of 18 - let me share with you what my husband has done.  There are many things - here are just a few.


When she was little - and even now - they are buddies. No one can make Elyse laugh like her Dad.  They spend time together.  When she was an infant, only Marty could calm her as her seizure medication wore off and kicked back in again.  Hours he would hold her and they would dance around the living room and he would sing in her ear and calm her.  It started when she was 3 days old.  She would scream, he would pick her up and move gently move around the room with her - and soon, she would stop crying.  If he stopped - she would scream again.


Ah man, this post is hard to write.


As she grew, Marty often took her out on "dates".  They attended every daddy/daughter dance they could.  He would buy her flowers, tell her how a man should hold the door for her, pay for her meal, come to the door and not honk the horn.  He would teach her not just by word but action. He would compliment her and tell her how beautiful she was. The would get all duded up to go to the dances.  She would stand on his toes and they would dance the night away.


In her teenage years - she learned by watching how he treated me.  This, men, is the most important thing.  Marty always - without fail - respects me.  We have been married almost 20 years and I can maybe think of only a couple of times he has ever raised his voice to me - and that's probably because I pushed him to that point.  He never talks bad about me to his friends - we always build each other up. He doesn't make crass jokes about me.  What goes on in the bedroom - stays there - it's not open for public discussion.   He still opens doors for me, still pays for our dates (lol), brings me flowers.  He cherishes me and makes me feel like a queen every day of my life.  He's always telling me how beautiful I am - he pours on the compliments even and especially when I don't deserve them.  He is - by far - the biggest servant I have ever met.  He is constantly getting me something to drink, getting me something out of the car I forgot, running all over the house to get whatever I need. He helps around the house.  A real man does dishes, changes poopy diapers and cleans up puke.  No - he's not - what's that saying - "whipped" - he just knows how to serve.  


And can I say another thing?  A real man - cries.  Not all the time, not in a way that makes him weak - but as the saying goes - his heart breaks for the things that break the heart of our heavenly father.  He's not afraid to show when things touch him deeply through emotion.  We tease Marty about this - but truly - it is one of the things we love most.


We never walk around on eggshells in our house waiting for his mood to improve.  Never.  First - I would never allow it - but second and most important - Marty would never in a million years act that way.  Although he loves football - I never have to think on Superbowl Sunday that some stupid football game is going to cause him to be in a foul mood and become abusive.  He doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs.  


He leads spiritually - reading the word, praying, spending time in church.  Serving others.  Even though I can be "opinionated"  (Marty calls it passionate - lol!) - when push comes to shove - Marty makes the spiritual decisions in our home.  He takes us to church and expects his kids to go.  He leads by example.  


If you want your kids to call you Daddy at 18 - well - at least your daughters - then treat your wife the way you want your future son-in-law - to treat your daughter.  She will do as she has learned - not your words - but your actions.  Don't expect anything else from her.


I know there is plenty more I am not thinking of in this moment.  This may deserve another post at a future date. At this point, I've cried myself out so I think we'll end it here.


Marty - I am so glad God put us together.  We are blessed to have you in our lives.  Our kids are blessed.  Future generations - will be blessed.  You have set in motion generations of daughters and sons who know and love the Lord.  I am honored to be your wife and our children are honored to be your children.  Thank you my amazing man.  I love you.

For I know the plans

Change - is not easy.  I kick and scream against it.  I like things the way they are. I like things predictable and I don't like when a wrench gets thrown in anything.  I have things planned out and I expect them to go as planned.  Look out when they don't!

This past few months, our family has grown closer through some significant changes.  All good - but all very, very hard.

Sometimes in life, we think we know what's best for us.  We think we know what is best for our kids, for their futures.  We arrange our lives around them.  We, quite honestly, spend very little time stopping and actually asking GOD what might be best for them.  We just plow ahead and expect God to follow along.  Sometimes - we don't even know we're doing it.  Then, we pray God's will be done and when it IS done - it's a major shock and we just don't know what in the world He's doing!  We didn't really want His will - we wanted ours with His stamp of approval.

As you know, if your a regular reader, little man is a soccer player and a good one.  His whole life, we have arranged our lives around his "career".  He likes it - we haven't been those idiot parents that determine their kid is better than anyone else and that's all there is to it and then push them into something they don't want to do.  It was his love as much as it was ours.  It was his talent, his gifting and we were thankful for it especially considering school just wasn't his gig.

His whole life, we have traveled, we have paid, we have built our lives around the fact that one day, he would move on to play high school ball and then, if he wanted, college ball.  Then he didn't make the high school team this fall.  I don't know why and honestly that is another story not for blog land and not for the point of this post.

The point is this.  We thought we knew what was best for Jon.  We really did.  We encouraged, drove, bought uniforms, socks, shoes - supported what was His dream - for years.  Yet God - in His greater understanding of our sons future - had other plans.

When we first received the news - we were all devastated - little man the most.  We did not see that one coming - not even close.  My heart broke for my child.  It seemed as if his future was crushed and now everything we have done all these years was for nothing.

Now, 2 months later - I have come to realize a few things.

I prayed for God's will to be done - but I didn't really mean it at the time.  But now - now I see what God is doing.  Now I see a greater purpose unfolding.  Now, I get it.  Maybe not in full - but in part.  I see a more balanced child.  I see a child that actually is learning to love learning.  I see a child getting good grades in school - and realizing soccer - is just not everything.  I see a young man loving on others in Special Olympics and taking his skills and teaching others - and he is oh so good at it.  I see a young man willing to explore other options in his life - find other talents he has. I see someone who now has the time to go on missions trips, try out for the football team or the golf team or the whatever team.  I see a child dreaming of all life could be and not trying to fit it into a very narrow box.

At the same time - we are watching our daughter struggle.  I don't want to put her out there so I'll just say this.  She was the one who we thought would embrace the major change in her life - college - and have no trouble whatsoever with it.  We thought she would run into this new life and never look back.  She has gone the opposite direction and although it is hard for her - I do see God working in her at this difficult point.  I know that although she is in the midst of the question of what God's will IS - going through all this with our son - makes me realize that God's perfect plan will soon reveal itself to her and she, too, will get it.  As a side note - she wrote on my husband's facebook wall today after going swing dancing last night "I realized tonight that I suck at dancing with anybody but you.  Miss you daddy" - yeah - I cried and I'm crying again.  Oh how much we miss her and how much our heart aches for her.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this:  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.

God's plans - not ours.  Sometimes we can't see it - but we must trust that God has our best in mind.  He is going to give us a great hope and a great future.  We need to lean into His arms when change comes that we are not expecting and embrace this truth.  His good and perfect will is always - always better than our plans.

My scrap happy man

This post is about scrapping.  No - this is not my yard - not yet anyway.

No, we're not talking about scrapping as in photo albums and cute pictures - but metal scrapping.

Years ago, when we were first married - Marty was slightly addicted to soccer.  It's not like it was a HUGE addiction or anything - he merely played in 4 different leagues and between practices and games, was gone - on average - 10 nights a week.  (Yes, I do realize there are not 10 nights in a week).  He has since grown (and busted his leg and gotten - uh - older - more mature) and doesn't play soccer hardly ever anymore.  Actually, I feel bad about the limited opportunities he has to play 'cause I think he really misses it.

NOT THE POINT.

Well - moving along from addiction to addiction.....

A couple of years ago, our neighbor offered to take a dishwasher off our hands.  We happily and naively agreed.  Fortunately it never dawned on either of us that there was a reason he wanted that dishwasher.

I'm trying to remember when it all started in earnest.  What was it that made him turn the corner from naivete to what we now have?  Ah, I don't know.

The point is this.  He is no longer addicted to soccer.  He is, however, addicted to scrap metal.

He got himself a trailer.  I want to paint it pink - but he's just not feeling the pink vibe.  I mean, come on, how COOL would it be to have a neon pink trailer with J & M or some catchy name on the side of it pulling behind my blazer???  We have settled on black and one of these days, I will surprise him when he comes home from work and it will be all duded (as in dude - ed ) up.

He and Jon need a 12 step recovery program at this point.  The rule is NO SCRAPPING with Mom in the car.  Seriously - I am totally embarrassed by it!  We can never get from point A to point B anymore without stopping to check out someones trash.  It's HUMILIATING.  But - they are happy.  Happy Scrappers.  (WAIT - That should be their catchy business phrase!  It's not AT ALL female or anything!!)

He spends hours - and I do mean hours - tearing crap apart.  There is always something strewn all over my house or my front yard that he is disassembling looking for a motor, copper, aluminum, etc.  He has a special magnet he uses to see what kind of metal it is.  He READS full websites to learn more info.  He talks the ears off the people at the scrap yard to get more info. He's like a kid at Christmas on the days he goes to the scrap yard.  And now my son is no different.

Okay - I'll be honest.  I kinda do like the little extra cash that comes our way here and there - and it  is something he finds relaxing.  If he's happy - then I'm happy.

I wish I would have thought to take a picture to share with you all.  I will - eventually.

The very first trip to the scrap yard - I think it was the first trip anyway - scrapping was just not as fun as it is now for him.  The trailer came unhitched - and smashed THROUGH the back of the blazer.  We didn't make any money that day - that's for sure.

There really is no point to this post except to tease my scrap happy man.  It's a good thing I like him so much and think he's so incredibly handsome.  The moral of the story is this - don't let your husband anywhere near metal.  Since not a lot of men read my blog - don't let your man know there is money to made either.  Trust me :)

Wait - wait a minute - one more thing - IF your man does decide to scrap metal - before you go to the scrap yard the first time with him - learn some self defense.  I swear every person there is a former or current convict.  I kid you not . I've never seen so many toothless men in my entire life.  If the police pulled in - I can guarantee you a scrap yard would become deathly silent in a matter of seconds because everyone would flee :)

Love you Marty :)

Letting go is hard stuff!

So tonight my beautiful daughter posts on facebook that she is heading downtown at like 10:30 p.m. and freaks me out.  Of course, I say "your not going alone" and she says "I'm not stupid."  As in - duh Mom - come ON!  But then I go to her tumblr and she's talking all about how she needs to get alone with God and she's looking for a place to do that downtown where she won't get killed - and now - I'm freaked.  But - I've said enough to her (and now I put it on here - how nice!) and - well - here I am.

I've decided that parenting had to be easier for my Mom (stop laughing Mom) in the non-techno age.  The age of no cell phones, no tumblrs, blogs, twitter updates - etc.  The land where she didn't know what in the world I was up to (and that was probably a good thing) or where I was.  When she didn't know I was downtown Grand Rapids (hmmmmmm.......) climbing a building with Donnie and Marty and Dave - or wait - was that just Donnie and Marty - anyway - in the middle of the night.  Where she didn't know I was too chicken to go all the way to the roof so I stayed on the stairs on the side of the building several stories high where I absolutely did not belong and almost got us caught which would have probably resulted in, at the very least, being spoken to by the cops.  Of course, I was only trying to get alone with Marty (do not read into that) and not God - so I guess my kid is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was.

The point is - I thought I was a crappy parent of a teen - but I am coming to realize - I am a crappier parent of an 18 year old.  I can be - uh - obsessive (no comments Elyse!) in my worry and checking in on her.  It's so hard!!  I want to know, but I don't want to know - and this is a GOOD kid.  Lord knows she's in a WAY better spot than I ever was at her age!!

Seriously.  She's taking a cell phone break (ah crap - that means she's probably downtown with NO PHONE.  Sigh.  There is no sleep happening tonight!) and I think I need to take a technology break too.  Not from all of you - but from checking in on her and making sure she is safe, good, okay, healthy, happy, eating, not getting killed downtown at 10:30 p.m., etc.  Does that make me a bad parent??  MY HEAD HURTS from all the worry sometimes!  I'm beginning to wonder if I've crossed into the land of needing psychological help.... :)  Yeah, yeah, okay, so maybe I was in THAT place a long time ago!

Kidding around - but in all seriousness.  I really do think that for my own sanity - I'm going to take a break from my checking in.  Of course I'll call and all that - but I need to take a step back and realize she is safe in the arms of Jesus.  I can't fix anything from here.  She has to have some room to breathe for goodness sakes. 

Sorry Lysie Bug.  I love you.  Oh so stinking much.  I miss you more than I can stand some days.

Letting go is hard stuff!!

The definition of a man

To start this post - let me brag a little on my kids.  I'm not sure how E is doing grade wise - but she seems to always be doing some kind of homework!  We checked little man's grades today and he has all A's except in Algebra where he has a C+ - which is - A-MAZING!!!  Woo Hoo :)  So proud of how hard they are both working!

Little Man had to write a paper on what it means to be a man.  He doesn't know this - but he had us in tears.  I am sooooo proud of what he wrote.  Proud because writing is not his thing - proud more because of what he wrote.  Proud because the reason he knows what it means to be man - is because his Daddy taught him.  Young ladies out there - pick your man wisely - because your sons and daughters will watch - and your husband - will teach your kids how to be a man and what to expect from a man if you have daughters.

Anyway - you've got to read this paper.  Keep in mind he's learning disabled so don't look at anything beyond the meaning of what he says.  There are some pretty funny moments too.  Awesome.  Here goes:

The definition of a man - by Jon

 

Wikipedia.com says a man is this:  “The term man (pl. men) is used for an adult human male (the term boy is the usual term for a human male child or adolescent). However, man is sometimes used to refer to humanity as a whole. Sometimes it is also used to identify a male human, regardless of age, as in phrases such as "men's rights". 

My definition of a man is a guy that supports his family and spends time with them.  He does fun stuff with them.  He goes to amusement parks with them.  He plays football with them.  He helps them with their homework.  He goes to their school activities and cheers them on. 

    

Second of all, I think a man is someone who is a gentleman and holds doors for women and children and old people.  He walks to the door to pick up his date instead of honking the horn.  He gives up his seat for a lady who needs it in a public place.  He pays the bill when he takes his date out.

Next, a man is a guy who works in the family to put food on the table, buy clothes and provide for other family needs.  He gets a job and works hard.  He saves up money.  He doesn’t gamble or waste money on alcohol and drugs.  He puts his family first in his money decisions and not spend money on stuff he wants all the time.  I think a man is a guy who helps his wife at home with cleaning the house, mowing the yard and other stuff around the house.  He changes diapers and takes the kids so his wife can have a break once in a while.   I think a man is a guy who is a role model to everyone in the family.  I think a man is a guy who protects his family from things such as robbers, bullies, and terrorists.  I think a man is a guy who is nice and caring.  He doesn’t yell all the time.

Another thing a man is is brave and courageous in times of need.  I think a man votes.  I think a man joins the military if needed by his country in a draft.  A man should support his family’s religious and political views.

If a man has animals, he takes care of them.  He makes sure they have food and water and cleans up after them.  He treats them well.  He doesn’t let anyone treat them bad.

A man teaches his son how to be a good worker.  He teaches his son how to take care of the cars.  He lets him help around the house.  He teaches how to start a campfire.  He takes his son camping and teaches him how to camp.  He takes him hunting and teaches him how to use a gun.  He teaches his son about gun safety.  A man teaches his son how to play sports. 

A man teaches his daughter about how a boy should treat her.  A man teaches his daughter about how she should treat other people.  A man takes his daughter out to eat and shopping.  A man helps his daughter know self-defense and how to take care of herself when he is not around. 

A man also takes care of himself.  He takes showers.  He keeps himself healthy by not becoming overweight so he can play with his children.  A man goes to the Dr. when he is sick.  A man wears nice clothes so he doesn’t embarrass his kids.  A man gets an education so he can get a decent job. 

A man takes care of his extended family when they need it.  He takes care of his parents, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews when they need it.  He visits them often.  He calls them on the phone too. 

A man is many things.  These are just some of those things.  I hope you do these things to be a good man.

What a difference a year makes

Tonight I went to capsule night at my son's new school - also Marty's place of employment.  Who knew a year ago that I would be traveling the halls of Pioneer following my son's schedule?  Not me.

I've always been happy with Marty working there.  Of course there have been bumps and challenges along the way - but by in large, the support Marty receives as a teacher is tremendous.  I don't try to hide the fact that here, in the community we live in (at least in the school system arena), we are not welcome in a lot of places and by a lot of people - but there, in Ann Arbor, Marty is well-liked, well-respected and is considered one of the best teachers your child could have.

Because of the bad experience we have had here for the past 2 years of Jon's schooling, it's hard for me not to have a negative attitude about school in general.  It's hard for me not to be on the defensive and not to expect the worst.  It's hard for me to grasp that there are teachers (and a majority) who love my child, who want the best for my child and want nothing more than to see him succeed.

Tonight was incredible.  Jon truly has an amazing group of teachers - all of which we were able to hand pick - because that's just how things are done in Ann Arbor.  Because they care.  Every teacher talked about how much they cared about the kids, about how much they wanted them to succeed.  Every teacher talked about respect for each other, about having a family atmosphere in their classrooms, about the diversity and the acceptance of each other.  Every one talked about how the students will learn from each other and how they (the teachers) are learning from them (the students).

As I shook the hand of each teacher, I realized we have begun a new era.  One in which I, too,  will have to learn and grow.  One in which I will also learn to expect the best people can and do give, and not the worst.  I, too, will have to learn not to look at people with skepticism and realize not everyone is out to hurt you or your child.  Jon is growing, and so am I.

So - thank you Ann Arbor Public Schools.  That kind of care and concern starts at the top and filters down.  Thank you for caring about students and not just about test scores, blue ribbons, personal agendas and academia. Thank you.  I am more than excited to watch my child grow, learn - flourish - in your hallways.  For once - I am excited about school and community.  Thank you.

Sometimes you get what you ask for

Do you ever have a moment where suddenly it dawns on you - God has answered your prayers?  I'm having one of those moments this evening.

E is at college.  We didn't think it would happen - financially.  But she's there and God has provided.  She's adjusting, growing, learning.  Answered prayer.

J is at a new high school.  If you read my blog very often, or if you know me, you know the several layers of reasons we switched him.  Today Marty and I were talking about the friends he is making at his new school.  One from Mexico, one from China, one from, I think it's Korea or Japan.  Marty jokes and says Jon is with the ESL crowd - all of them barely speaking English.  J commented to me yesterday "you know Mom, it's so nice to be in a school that isn't racist" and then proceeded to tell me how miserable one of his Iraqi friends at his old school is due to the extreme racism he is facing on a daily basis (and I'm sure heightened because of the approach of 9/11). 

Do you know how happy this makes me? (not the friend that is miserable - that just makes me angry.  It's not his fault - it's not his parents fault.  He's a child and deserves the respect of those around him)  It makes me proud.  It makes me glad we have worked so hard at raising our kids to love people regardless of skin color, economic status, religious views, language. I am beyond thrilled that my son is now surrounded with the beauty of God's incredible creation and he knows how to handle himself because that's what we have taught him.  I love how he sees people for who they are, who God created them to be and not all that other junk the world throws in.  I LOVE IT!

J says his teachers are "awesome" and he is coming home every day telling us something else he has learned.  You have no idea what a huge step that is.  For the last two years, it was tears, frustration and banging our heads into a big ole cement wall.  Now he is happy.  He is sleeping.  He is - free - and because of that - so are we.

God does answer prayers.  He hears our hearts cry.  He cares about our children - loves them more than you could ever imagine.  He's listening to you to - to your prayers about your kids, your marriage, yourself.  He will answer.  Sometimes we don't even realize He has answered.  He will answer.  Sometimes - we do get what we ask for.

What you are teaching me

Recently, Marty, Jon and I started coaching a Special Olympics soccer team.  It was an unexpected opportunity and fulfilled one of my goals for last year.  Long story as to how we got here - but in 2 games and 2 practices, it has been one rewarding experience.

We lost 2 games tonight - the first one 2-0 in a penalty shoot out - the second 1-0 in a regular game.  It was, by far, the happiest losses in my life as a coach.  I'll tell you what - work with a team of Special Olympics "kids" and suddenly - everything gets put into perspective.

The youngest kid on our team is 18 and the oldest somewhere in his 50's.  It's a mix of guys and girls with various abilities and various disabilities.  Despite their "disabilities" - they've got some things right.  Here's a few things they have taught me.

Never take life too seriously.  There is always a reason to smile.

Sometimes trying hard and doing your best - is actually good enough.

There is nothing a little kindness can't solve.  

It's not all about winning - it's all about how you get to the end of the game.

People on a special olympics team are capable of far more than most of us give them credit for.

Being a good helper is very important.

A smile and a hug can make anything better.

There are more lessons to come - of this I am sure.  We laugh every time we are with them.  They are funny, sensitive, kind, loving, capable, and determined.

Let me share a couple of funnies with you.  Last week one of them asked me if I had a beer for him 'cause he was thirsty.   This young man has a crazy sense of humor.  It's dry and sarcastic - but he continually keeps us in stitches.  Today he slapped me on the back so hard I think he left a mark - all in good fun and while telling me "good job coach!"  Today at the game, his stomach was bothering him and I said "what's up?" and he said "my stomach hurts."  I said "drink some water" and he said "I did, and some whiskey - but that was before the game."  I said "well, maybe that's your problem then!"  We laughed and I still don't know if he's serious about all his alcohol talk!

We have another kid on the team that cracks me up.  He's a HUGE kid.  Bigger than any of us (there are like 6 coaches including Jon, Marty and I).  Today I was so proud of him.  Last week at practice we worked specifically on passing with the inside of your foot.  Today he proudly and loudly announced when he came off the field that he did everything we practiced last week - and then went on to list every single thing we had worked on.  At half time he laid on the field next to me and I said "what's wrong?" and he said "that's it! This has to STOP!  I've had ENOUGH!  You tell me when I can quit.  5 more days - 5 more x's on my calendar and I'm QUITTING!"  I said "but you can't quit - your team needs you" and he said "well, I'm going into retirement then."  Lol!!

So much fun!  We have another young lady who is injured and LOVES to help.  She tells me repeatidly all the things she does to help the team.  I love her.  She is sweet tempered and really does love to help.  I told her next practice I would have a special job for her because she can't play and wants to feel useful.  Now I have to figure out what that will be!!

Another young lady, a friend of one of the kids, came out last week to one of the practices to cheer her friend (on our team) on.  She went to do a funky handshake with Marty and as he went to slap her hand (part of the handshake), she moved her hand away from him real quick and sly and ran it through her hair - intentionally - so he would slap the air - then laughed.  Then she proceeded to high five me with both hands 'cause girls have to stick together :)  I wish she was on our team 'cause I love her sense of humor.  She's quick witted despite her down syndrome.

There are more stories to come, I'm sure.  I apologize for the length of this post.  These kids are special and I really enjoy them.  I didn't want to go tonight as I had been sick all day - but by the time the games were over - I was so happy I did.

Missing Her

Growing up stinks :)  Sending my first born off to college was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Her absence is an emptiness I can't seem to fill.  I keep wishing I could hear her laughter, avoiding her bedroom because, honestly, I'm tired of crying.

She seems to be doing well.  Hearing from her less and less which tells me she must be adjusting.  It's good.  I know you raise them for this.  It's okay, it's normal - but it's not easy.

There's really not much else to say except I miss her.  I'm not the same without her.

Children and mothers never truly part - Bound in the beating of each other's heart. -Charlotte Gray

On our way home

I shared with you some pics yesterday of our first day on campus.  As I said, we were terribly impressed with NCU.  It was unbelievably organized.  The staff/students/everyone were sooooo welcoming.  We spent the day moving her in, eating and getting familiar with campus.

Today we started the day with a convocation service with staff, new students and parents.  Again - beyond impressive.  Everything shared was further confirmation that Elyse is exactly where she belongs at NCU.  It was a tough day for all of us, however.  We did visit the mall of america (unbelievable - pics to come later) but on the train ride back to campus, Elyse sobbed her heart out on my shoulder and fell asleep crying.

I have been an emotional wreck.  I did not see that coming.  I also didn't think Elyse would struggle.  Pray for her if you would.  She's feeling lonely and although many students appear to have come in with friends - she is by herself.  She's struggling to fit in right now and although I have no doubt she will in a short amount of time - it's not easy to be living 12 hours from home in a city, state, on a campus with not a single person you know.  Reality hit hard today.

I cried.  A lot.  Actually I sobbed out loud like a 2 year old once I made it to the car.  I was crying way before that - but it was not pretty once I was in the car, out of the public eye and away from Elyse.  I had NOOOO idea that I would have such a hard time! I really thought I was prepared since she's been out of the country so many times before.  Oh was I not prepared.

My new favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and I'm already counting down the days!  The first, oh, 300 - 500 I make student teaching will be used to buy her plane ticket home!  It's going to be the BEST Thanksgiving ever!

So many thoughts and emotions today.  I'm not one to live with regrets, but I spent at least an hour on the way home chastising myself for not spending more time with my daughter, for the many times I blew it as a parent and said stupid things, for not being perfect.  My husband is an amazing man and looked at me and said "uh Tam?  Did your daughter grow up like you did?  Was she sad to say goodbye today?" to which I had to answer, no she did not grow up like I did and yes, she was sad to say goodbye.  He then said "you have done a great job as her Mom, now stop blaming yourself for stupid stuff."  What did I do to deserve such a loving husband?  Nothing.  That's just the blessing of my Savior.

Anywho - before I start crying about THAT - I'm just thanking Jesus tonight.  As I said on facebook - today was both the best and hardest day of my life.  Best because we got to see the fulfillment of many of the promises of God in Elyse's life.  We got to see His faithfulness and His great love for her.  The best because my daughter is in a Christian environment surrounded by people who love and serve Him passionately.  We know she is well taken care of.  The hardest because we had to say goodbye to our first born.  The hardest because she is our light, our chill, our laughter.  The hardest because - well - we just plain love her more than anything.

We are now in a hotel north of Chicago, I'm sitting on the bathroom floor typing and the boys are asleep.  I am emotionally exhausted yet unable to sleep.  I'm wondering how my girl is doing and whether or not she's getting any sleep.  Her room is like 5,000 degrees - sooooo blasted hot!!  I realize, it's Minneapolis, it won't stay hot for long - but I'm feeling bad for her tonight.

Pray for her.  Pray for us.  Pray God shows Himself to her loud and clear.  Pray she makes friends, is able to get some sleep, is safe and healthy.  Pray God gives her wisdom, discernment and love.  Pray He pours His spirit out on her and continues to burn passionately in her heart.  Pray she embraces this new life and runs hard after all God has for her.  Here's one you won't hear from me very often - but pray God gives me the strength to stand.  Pray that God shows me what I'm to do now that she is away.  Pray for wisdom for us as parents as we move into a new phase of life with our beautiful girl.  Pray for her safety and for our mental stability - lol :)

Thanks my faithful readers.  Thanks for listening to me work out the things in my heart tonight.  Where would I be without you?