Mean - Taylor Swift

I've been tossing around sharing this post with you for a while.  I love the lyrics to this song - it speaks to the heart of the girl I was, oh goodness, 20 some years ago as a pre-teen.  (Okay, okay, a little bit more than 20 - but not much!)  I've debated sharing it because I wonder if anyone else can relate to how a song can speak to a part of you from years past.  Not sure that makes any sense - but there it is.

I would hate for you all to think I've gone off my rocker.  Yeah - no smart comments from some of you (A) - we all know I fell OFF the rocker a long time ago!

ANYWAY.  Let's move this post along.  I'll share the lyrics and then some thoughts with you afterwards.  Read on past the song - especially if this song speaks to you.

Mean - Taylor Swift

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I'm nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded

You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all your ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation

You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them

I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know what you don't know

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game

With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean

All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic and alone in lie

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me 

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

There's so many ways this song speaks to me.  First, although the physical abuse was the lesser of the 3 evils of my childhood, it was still there.  Second - I remember very vividly growing up telling myself, telling him - that who I was then would not be who I would be as a grown up.  I knew, even way back then, that the abuse stopped there and my kids would never experience the life I lived.  I knew one day I would be in a big old city and I would be big enough  - brave enough - strong enough - to not be hit anymore.  I never in my life doubted that. I was as stubborn then as I am now.

Although my Dad wasn't a drunk.  I wish I could say he was, at least as some kind of an excuse for his meanness.  I only saw him drunk once in my life.  He was just mean - without alcohol.  But - I can see him in a bar talking over something, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things - with a big loud opinion and no one's listening.  I can see that as clear as day because he always had a big loud opinion.  (yes, yes, I DO get that from somewhere!)

Someday has arrived.  This is where I just cry.  Someday has arrived.  It has arrived because I serve a God bigger than my past.  I listen to this song, I feel the heart of the 13 year old girl I once was.  I feel her pain, I feel her hoping against all hope that the day will come and things will change.  Now things have - and it sets me to tears so fast.  Someday has arrived.  I serve a mighty God.  My kids have never - and will never - feel the way I felt.  They will never be able to sing this song.  Praise Jesus.  I can't say it enough - someday has arrived - and I am oh so grateful to the God I serve.

Last night as we were driving home from Special Olympics, this song was playing on the radio.  Little man was sitting in the front, me in the back.  It's not often - if ever - I think of my father now and what has become of him and his life.  I'm sorry if this makes me sound ungodly - but I don't much care.  I have forgiven, yes, but honestly - there is still a part of me that hopes he is, in fact, sitting around with no one listening after all he did to my family.  But last night, I thought what a lonely man he must have become.  Lonely, bitter, hopeless - and I felt for him.  I thought of all his actions have caused him to miss out on.  My beautiful children, my amazing rock solid man - me.  And I felt sad for his sadness, his emptiness.  It was his choice, yes - but at the same time - we all make choices in life that leave us in desperate places.  It made me see how far my forgiveness - God's forgiveness - has stretched.  To be able to feel sorry for him - well that's a new step.

Anyway - for all those pre-teens and teens that happened on this blog because you looked up the lyrics - and have actually stuck with reading this to this point - please know this.  There is hope.  This is a future.  There is a plan - a grand purpose for your life so much bigger than you now know.  No matter what has happened or is happening to you - you WILL HAVE your someday.  Hang in there.  Jesus loves you oh so much more than you could ever know. I'm here.  Leave a comment, we'll talk.  Don't give up.  Your someday is coming.

2 great songs - lyrics only

I'm not a huge Disciple fan - but I heard this song this morning on Yes FM and loved the lyrics.  It's called Dear Ex.

Dear Pain, oh it's been a long time

Remember when you were holding me tight

I would stay awake with you all night

Dear Shame, I was safe in your arms

You were there when it all fell apart

I would get so lost in your beautiful lies

I let you go

Go ahead

You're never gonna take me

You can bend

But you're never gonna break me

I was yours

I'm not yours anymore

Oh, you don't own me

Dear hate, I know you're not far

You would wait at the door of my heart

I was amazed at the passion in your cries

Dear anger, you made me so high

You were faithful to show up on time

Such a flame that was burning in your eyes

I let you go

But you're still chasing

Go ahead

You're never gonna take me

You can bend

But you're never gonna break me

I was yours

But I'm not yours anymore

Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead

Put a target on my forehead

You can fire

But you've got no bullet

I was yours

But I'm not yours anymore

Oh, you don't own me

You tempted me to look back

But everything that we had together was a lie

Go ahead

You're never gonna take me

You can bend

But you're never gonna break me

I was yours

But I'm not yours anymore

ETC on chorus :-)  (too lazy to re-type it all again!)

Next is a rap song.  Have I mentioned before how much I love Christian rap?  Good Christian rap.  LeCrae is one of the best.  This is one of his newest - it's called Background.

Hook:

I could play the background

I could play the background

'Cause I know sometimes I get in the way

So, won't you take the lead, lead, lead?

So won't you take the lead, lead, lead?

And I could play the background, background

And you could take the lead

Verse 1:

It's evident you run the show, so let me back down

You take the leading role, and I'll play the background

I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines

I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs

I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role

Why gain the whole wide world, if I'm just gonna lose my soul?

And my ways ain't purified, don't live according to your Word

I can't endure this life without your wisdom being heard

So word to every dancer to a pop star

'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar

Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right

Praying the whole world would start embracing stage fright

So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions

'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessin'

That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact

I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

Hook

Verse 2:

Yo, I had a dream that I was captain of my soul

I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank

So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes

All these folks who follow me, goin' end up in the wrong place

So just let me shadow you, just let me trace your lines

Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes

'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed

And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me

And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction

Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothin'

You pulled my card, I'm bluffin', You know what's in my hand

Me, I just roll and trust You, You cause the dice to land

I'm in control of nothin', follow You at any cost

Some call it sovereign will, all I know is You the boss

And man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content

I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

Hook

Bridge:

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word

I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred

And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games, 

Got plenty aims, but do they really glorify Your name?

And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for you

Don't even cling to You, take time to sit and glean from You

It seems like You were patience in my ignorance, 

If ignorance is bliss, it's cause she never heard of this

Hook

Hook